It has been a week since I started my new job, and we've already gotten into quite a routine. Emily had a rough first few days, but she soon learned that it wasn't as bad as she thought that it would be and she started coping with it. At first, though, she started telling me that she wasn't coming home. She spent every night at her Nana and Papa's house because she said that she didn't think she could stand to see me leave for work in the morning. I indulged her drama for the time being only because her cousin, Chase, was still in town and they were all three going to stay over there, but I told her that she better start dealing with it because it was just the way it was and that she WAS coming home! I think she found out that she actually handled it better when she was at home and saw me in the morning before work. She is THE most stubborn person. I know, I know, those of you (especially family members who know me the most) will say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ha-ha! I know it...and I will admit it!
We did, however, receive the most special little gift in the mail the other day and I only wish I knew who to thank. In the middle of the week, we received this Fedex box with a bright yellow box with smiley faces all over it. It was addressed to Emily and myself. Inside were wonderful smiley face sugar cookies! It was the most special gift to brighten our day...heck, our week! So, whoever sent it, THANK YOU!
My job is going well. All I'm doing right now is lots and lots of computer training. I never realized before how federally regulated the banks are!!! It's a lot of stuff to learn. I have one more day of computer courses until I can start what they call my "mentor training".
Ethan and Emily are in tennis lessons again. They are enjoying it and doing well. I'm so impressed with how much they have learned since they first started taking lessons a year ago. I hope they decide to keep it up.
Yesterday I decided to deem it "Family Day" in our house. I realized lately that Ethan has been going off by himself and just spending a lot of time in his room either playing Legos, playing video games, or watching tv. It has been bothering me that he has been spending so much time by himself. So, on Saturday night while he was watching Harry Potter, I snuggled with him and told him that on Sunday, he wasn't going to play any video games or watch tv, but that we were going to have a total family day together. At first he looked at me with these huge eyes like he wasn't sure he liked that, but then yesterday he told me that he had the best day ever. After going to church, all four of us played basketball, we played frisbee, we played some checkers, the kids ran around and played some of their own made up games, it was just an awesome day. And the best part was that not a single video game was played!!!! I am going to designate at least one weekend day like that.
It's a new week. Let's hope that this week goes well!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
A new chapter...
Today started a new chapter in our lives. I started my new job. After 8 years spending my every waking hour to care for the total needs of my children, I have decided that it is not only time for me to go back to work, but it is necessary. Eight years ago, in August 2002, I was put on bed rest when I was pregnant with Ethan and Emily. From that point on, everything I have done in my life has been for my children.
When Rob got laid off of work again and we both started looking for jobs, the idea of going back to work was so exciting for me. The reality of the situation was that I NEEDED to find a job, but I soon realized that I also WANTED to find a job. I was thrilled at the idea of feeling fulfilled again in the workplace and when I was hired... well, I really felt great!
I set out and started preparing for my first day. I got some new clothes. Took care of some last minute things that needed to get done around the house and I was ready to go. There was just one tiny little problem, and she is just a little over 3 1/2 feet tall. She has blond hair, blue eyes, and she is terribly upset by this new chain of events. She answers to the name of Emily.
She had been getting more and more frantic as we had been counting down the days until today, but last night was the moment that I don't think I could have prepared myself for even if I had tried. We had already made arrangements for the kids to spend the night at Nana and Papa's house because we thought that it would be easier for them to not see me leave early this morning since I had to work in Downtown Mobile today. Emily had a massive break down last night and she sat in my lap and sobbed on my shoulder and snotted on my shirt for well over an hour. It was the most heartbreaking thing that I have ever experienced in my life. The way she acted was as if I was leaving her for good and moving away. There really was no consoling her. And there really are no words to describe how much my heart was aching for her and how much I wanted to take away her pain.
I left her at my parents' house as she was crying in my mom's lap. My mood for the rest of the night was the most melancholy I have ever felt in my life. In fact, I ended up just needing time to be alone. I could no longer feel the excitement that I had been feeling to start my new job. My mood just wouldn't allow it. I started to feel this overwhelming guilt despite the fact that I knew that the kids would be okay. I ended up locking myself into the bathroom and just crying. And I...DON'T...DO...THAT! EVER!!! I never allow myself to have pity parties. It's not in my nature. But I had one last night. I was suddenly filled with flashbacks of when the kids were infants and I was trying to teach Emily to crawl. How hard I worked with her every single day just to do the most basic things that babies do on their own. I remembered how I sat day after day and watched those videos on learning the baby sign language just so I could teach it to Ethan because he had speech apraxia and couldn't even babble like a normal baby, let alone say a word. I remembered all of the times that I sat with the kids through weeks and weeks of Kindermusik classes for several years in a row and our therapists would meet us to do their therapies there. I just sat there and balled my eyes out as all of these years of memories of being a stay at home mom with my kids and actually BEING THERE for them as I have helped them navigate their way through some of the toughest obstacles of their little lives. I know that in the grand scheme of things, I am doing something that is right for me and for all of us in the long run, but it is just hard taking that step.
So, last night as the tears flowed, I closed that final chapter in my life and in my children's lives. Today I woke up and we started the new one. Guess what??? We all survived! We will get through this adjustment period and everything will work out. As far as my new job...it was a first day. That is all I'm going to say right now. Ha-ha!
When Rob got laid off of work again and we both started looking for jobs, the idea of going back to work was so exciting for me. The reality of the situation was that I NEEDED to find a job, but I soon realized that I also WANTED to find a job. I was thrilled at the idea of feeling fulfilled again in the workplace and when I was hired... well, I really felt great!
I set out and started preparing for my first day. I got some new clothes. Took care of some last minute things that needed to get done around the house and I was ready to go. There was just one tiny little problem, and she is just a little over 3 1/2 feet tall. She has blond hair, blue eyes, and she is terribly upset by this new chain of events. She answers to the name of Emily.
She had been getting more and more frantic as we had been counting down the days until today, but last night was the moment that I don't think I could have prepared myself for even if I had tried. We had already made arrangements for the kids to spend the night at Nana and Papa's house because we thought that it would be easier for them to not see me leave early this morning since I had to work in Downtown Mobile today. Emily had a massive break down last night and she sat in my lap and sobbed on my shoulder and snotted on my shirt for well over an hour. It was the most heartbreaking thing that I have ever experienced in my life. The way she acted was as if I was leaving her for good and moving away. There really was no consoling her. And there really are no words to describe how much my heart was aching for her and how much I wanted to take away her pain.
I left her at my parents' house as she was crying in my mom's lap. My mood for the rest of the night was the most melancholy I have ever felt in my life. In fact, I ended up just needing time to be alone. I could no longer feel the excitement that I had been feeling to start my new job. My mood just wouldn't allow it. I started to feel this overwhelming guilt despite the fact that I knew that the kids would be okay. I ended up locking myself into the bathroom and just crying. And I...DON'T...DO...THAT! EVER!!! I never allow myself to have pity parties. It's not in my nature. But I had one last night. I was suddenly filled with flashbacks of when the kids were infants and I was trying to teach Emily to crawl. How hard I worked with her every single day just to do the most basic things that babies do on their own. I remembered how I sat day after day and watched those videos on learning the baby sign language just so I could teach it to Ethan because he had speech apraxia and couldn't even babble like a normal baby, let alone say a word. I remembered all of the times that I sat with the kids through weeks and weeks of Kindermusik classes for several years in a row and our therapists would meet us to do their therapies there. I just sat there and balled my eyes out as all of these years of memories of being a stay at home mom with my kids and actually BEING THERE for them as I have helped them navigate their way through some of the toughest obstacles of their little lives. I know that in the grand scheme of things, I am doing something that is right for me and for all of us in the long run, but it is just hard taking that step.
So, last night as the tears flowed, I closed that final chapter in my life and in my children's lives. Today I woke up and we started the new one. Guess what??? We all survived! We will get through this adjustment period and everything will work out. As far as my new job...it was a first day. That is all I'm going to say right now. Ha-ha!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Summer Update!
So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to start. Ethan and Emily had their swimming lessons. Wow! What an experience that was. Emily HATED going. And I do not use the word "hate" lightly. She cried every single morning and even came up with every single ailment you could imagine as to why she couldn't participate in lessons. It was really sad and pitiful, but I knew that she needed the lessons and I knew that it was for her own good. I had a very long talk with her and explained that I wouldn't be doing her any good or doing my job as a parent if I didn't make sure that she learned how to swim. It was about safety, not about having fun. Ethan actually LOVED going and never wanted to get out of the pool when the lessons were over. Thankfully that was the case because I don't think I could have handled two of them being like Emily.
By the end of the second week, Emily was jumping off of the side of the pool into the deep end and swimming to the ladder all by herself. It was not an easy task for her, but she did it. I was very proud of her and she was proud of herself, but she obviously still had way more difficulty swimming than Ethan. I don't know if it is because of the spasticity of her muscles due to her CP or something else, but she is really stiff in the water and she has to work much harder to swim and to kick than Ethan does. I really noticed how much harder it is for her when I took her to the pool myself and worked with her on a kick board and it is like she has no core muscles in her body to hold her legs up and kick and she is just so stiff. However, she still managed to make it to the side of the pool. The best thing that came out of swimming lessons is her newfound confidence. Even though I still have to use some kind of floatie or life jacket, I no longer have to get in the water with her. She is comfortable enough now to be on her own. This is HUGE!!! Now, Ethan is doing awesome! I am am just so proud of him. He can swim now on his own and loves doing it. He has become a little fish now.
Those swimming lessons really came in handy when our cousins came in for a visit. The Cullens (from Colorado) came down as well as Aunt Debbie, Kaz and Chase. Wow! What a great time we had! We spent a few days at the Grand Hotel and really enjoyed ourselves, too. Ethan and Emily love having cousins here and they look forward to seeing them each year. And I certainly enjoyed spending that quality time with my family that I just don't get to see often enough.
Regarding my dad, things have been pretty tough lately. It is almost too complicated to post about, but I'll try. He spent Father's Day in the hospital because his heart started doing crazy things. His pulse was extremely elevated, but his blood pressure was low. Not a good mix. He spent five days in the hospital while they tried to get everything under control. Dad was put on several different kinds of blood thinners and many of his medications were changed. For obvious reasons (since he was in the hospital), his radiation had to be stopped for a little while. Well, then he started to develop this weird rash on top of everything else. It started out as just a couple small itchy patches on his back. Within a few days, the rash overtook his entire body. He was out of the hospital by then, but his heart was still not doing well. Dad's stamina has been very low and he sleeps a lot, too. Now, he stays in constant discomfort because of this full body rash that they are assuming is an allergic reaction to one of the medications they changed. His heart is still flip flopping all over the place, and he has been on high doses of steroids to combat the rash now, too. In a nutshell, Dad is not well. So what started out as just a lung mass has no progressed to the lung mass/cancer, now heart problems that aren't seeming to improve, and skin problems that are close to being considered torturous. I probably shouldn't even have to mention this part, but his mood reflects all that is going on with his body. And why wouldn't it?!?! So right now if anybody out there is of the praying sort, Dad needs them... and so does Mom!
On a very positive note, I have some good news to report. I found a job!!!!! After months and months of sending out resumes, I finally found a one. It is still sinking in actually, but I am just so excited! I will be working at a bank. And it happens to be at a branch in our town, too, so it is perfect! I love the fact that I got a job that will allow me to still have decent hours and be there for the kids and their schedule. It is going to feel so good getting back into the work force again after all of these years. I start my new job on Monday. Unfortunately tonight, Emily cried herself to sleep. She is NOT taking the news very well. I tried very hard to explain how excited I am and how it is a good thing for me and for our family, but it was all falling on deaf ears. Of course, I do understand her worries and fears and I am sympathetic towards it. I tried to compare it to her as starting the first week of school, how it is for her when she walks into a new class with a new teacher each year and she wonders how things are going to be. But before she knows it, she is in a routine, has made friends, and even finds out that she likes her teacher and likes school. I told her that once we get through the first couple of weeks of my new job, we will start to be in a routine and we will realize that things really will be okay and things will actually be better for us because I will be doing something to make our family be in a better place. Then she asked, "Do you think you will ever get laid off?" Now, why should a 7 year old ever have to worry about something like that?!?! But that is the reality of our economy and situation right now. I told her that I sure hope not, but nobody ever knows that. So, right now I have one very sad little girl on my hands. Ethan seemed to be sad, too, but he holds his feelings in. As long as he has legos and food in his life, then he is generally happy.
Please pray that Monday goes well not just for me, but for my children who have had my undivided attention for their entire lives. This is a HUGE transition.
By the end of the second week, Emily was jumping off of the side of the pool into the deep end and swimming to the ladder all by herself. It was not an easy task for her, but she did it. I was very proud of her and she was proud of herself, but she obviously still had way more difficulty swimming than Ethan. I don't know if it is because of the spasticity of her muscles due to her CP or something else, but she is really stiff in the water and she has to work much harder to swim and to kick than Ethan does. I really noticed how much harder it is for her when I took her to the pool myself and worked with her on a kick board and it is like she has no core muscles in her body to hold her legs up and kick and she is just so stiff. However, she still managed to make it to the side of the pool. The best thing that came out of swimming lessons is her newfound confidence. Even though I still have to use some kind of floatie or life jacket, I no longer have to get in the water with her. She is comfortable enough now to be on her own. This is HUGE!!! Now, Ethan is doing awesome! I am am just so proud of him. He can swim now on his own and loves doing it. He has become a little fish now.
Those swimming lessons really came in handy when our cousins came in for a visit. The Cullens (from Colorado) came down as well as Aunt Debbie, Kaz and Chase. Wow! What a great time we had! We spent a few days at the Grand Hotel and really enjoyed ourselves, too. Ethan and Emily love having cousins here and they look forward to seeing them each year. And I certainly enjoyed spending that quality time with my family that I just don't get to see often enough.
Regarding my dad, things have been pretty tough lately. It is almost too complicated to post about, but I'll try. He spent Father's Day in the hospital because his heart started doing crazy things. His pulse was extremely elevated, but his blood pressure was low. Not a good mix. He spent five days in the hospital while they tried to get everything under control. Dad was put on several different kinds of blood thinners and many of his medications were changed. For obvious reasons (since he was in the hospital), his radiation had to be stopped for a little while. Well, then he started to develop this weird rash on top of everything else. It started out as just a couple small itchy patches on his back. Within a few days, the rash overtook his entire body. He was out of the hospital by then, but his heart was still not doing well. Dad's stamina has been very low and he sleeps a lot, too. Now, he stays in constant discomfort because of this full body rash that they are assuming is an allergic reaction to one of the medications they changed. His heart is still flip flopping all over the place, and he has been on high doses of steroids to combat the rash now, too. In a nutshell, Dad is not well. So what started out as just a lung mass has no progressed to the lung mass/cancer, now heart problems that aren't seeming to improve, and skin problems that are close to being considered torturous. I probably shouldn't even have to mention this part, but his mood reflects all that is going on with his body. And why wouldn't it?!?! So right now if anybody out there is of the praying sort, Dad needs them... and so does Mom!
On a very positive note, I have some good news to report. I found a job!!!!! After months and months of sending out resumes, I finally found a one. It is still sinking in actually, but I am just so excited! I will be working at a bank. And it happens to be at a branch in our town, too, so it is perfect! I love the fact that I got a job that will allow me to still have decent hours and be there for the kids and their schedule. It is going to feel so good getting back into the work force again after all of these years. I start my new job on Monday. Unfortunately tonight, Emily cried herself to sleep. She is NOT taking the news very well. I tried very hard to explain how excited I am and how it is a good thing for me and for our family, but it was all falling on deaf ears. Of course, I do understand her worries and fears and I am sympathetic towards it. I tried to compare it to her as starting the first week of school, how it is for her when she walks into a new class with a new teacher each year and she wonders how things are going to be. But before she knows it, she is in a routine, has made friends, and even finds out that she likes her teacher and likes school. I told her that once we get through the first couple of weeks of my new job, we will start to be in a routine and we will realize that things really will be okay and things will actually be better for us because I will be doing something to make our family be in a better place. Then she asked, "Do you think you will ever get laid off?" Now, why should a 7 year old ever have to worry about something like that?!?! But that is the reality of our economy and situation right now. I told her that I sure hope not, but nobody ever knows that. So, right now I have one very sad little girl on my hands. Ethan seemed to be sad, too, but he holds his feelings in. As long as he has legos and food in his life, then he is generally happy.
Please pray that Monday goes well not just for me, but for my children who have had my undivided attention for their entire lives. This is a HUGE transition.
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