Little Einsteins

I am having flashbacks right now as Ethan and Emily are sitting in the living room on this early Saturday morning and are watching the Little Einsteins. Not only are they watching the show, but they are in full participation mode. I just LOVE it! The Little Einsteins used to be Ethan's favorite show when he was in preschool. He didn't miss a single episode. He learned so much from that show, too. And I can remember on one of our Disney World trips when we saw a couple of the characters from it and the kids went crazy to get their autographs. What is so funny about them watching it this morning is that just the other day it was on and Ethan caught a moment of it and Emily started yelling at him to change the channel. She was telling him what a baby show that was and how she couldn't believe he was watching it, etc, etc. She was just so disgusted by the entire thing because she was just too old and too mature for that sort of thing I guess. But here she was this morning, patting along in all her Einstein glory as Ethan was enjoying his show. And me, being the very conscientious and discreet mom that I am, would never have pointed it out to her and made an issue about it in front of her. No, I just blog about it instead. Ha-ha!

School is going so well for the kids. It's hard to believe that it is almost report card time again. So far the kids both have straight A's. Not only do they both have all A's, but their averages are very high A's. I'm just so proud of them. They also both have been earning a lot of AR points, too, for reading. Ethan is already over halfway finished with his second Harry Potter book in the series. And those are NOT little books.

The other really exciting thing that is going on with them in school right now is that they are both going to be in a play. I think I might have mentioned before how the after school child care program they are in received a grant this year to help provide the arts to the program. One of the things that they are doing is a play, and that play is Annie. Oh my goodness, these kids are so excited!!! When I picked up the kids one day, the drama teacher came over to tell me how impressed she was with Ethan and Emily and their little acting skills. She said they had worked that day with the ability to be able to cry on demand and she said that Emily did AWESOME! I busted out laughing so hard. I agreed with her and said that she definitely had that one down pat. I was also told about Emily great singing (ha-ha!) and how well Ethan dances. Those that know Ethan know that when he is feeling the music, he can get his groove on. Well, last week the kids were given their parts in the play. They came running out of the school so excited!!!!!! Emily will play the part of "Molly", Annie's little orphan friend, the one in the orphanage that Annie is trying to console. Ethan will play the part of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. When he was telling me, his chest was puffing out and his eyes were all lit up. He was so proud. And then just yesterday he informed me that he will play the part in a wheelchair the whole time and he CAN'T WAIT!!!

We also have a lot going on with other activities, too. Ethan has signed up for Boy Scouts and both of the kids are in tennis. I'm just so glad that they both like tennis so much. They are really starting to get pretty good at it, too. There have been a couple of times that I've referred to tennis as "Emily's Social Hour" though. She likes to use that time to visit with her friend, Reagan. :)

The only other thing to update right now is about Dad. He will be starting chemo on Tuesday. He and Mom decided to take a little camping trip this week to get away before the chemo starts. They needed that time to get away from things. Please continue to pray for Dad as he starts this next round of treatment.

Birthdays and more

Wow! I should REALLY be ashamed of myself right now for not updating before now! Who would believe that my two tiny little miracles from God are now EIGHT YEAR OLDS!!!! Yep! Ethan and Emily had a birthday and I didn't even post about it. Well, in my defense, we have had a lot going on, but still that is no excuse. :)

The kids had a wonderful party. We had it the week before their birthday. I think we had a total of 26 kids here if I counted correctly. And the weather held out long enough for us to have the moonwalk that the kids had been wanting. It was so much fun and I think that everybody enjoyed themselves. Then, a week later we got to celebrate again on their REAL birthday. Goodness, I better watch out next year. They will want to do this two-party thing again. Ha-ha! Emily got a lot of Liv dolls and accessories and then lots of general girly type stuff while Ethan was all about Harry Potter this year. I had to do a lot of searching and Ebay auction fighting to get some of his treasures. He was so excited! Nothing could top his Lego Hogwarts castle, though. I only wish I could take credit for that one, but I can't. And Emily's top gift was this saucer chair she has been wanting forever. Again, I can't take credit. :) But what DID make us heroes in Emily's eyes was the brand new kitten she got the day before her birthday. Oh, we didn't have any intention of getting a kitten. That is just what happens when you walk into a pet store and they just happen to be having adoptions that day from the local animal shelter. We are suckers! Ha-ha!

Our new little kitten's name is Lily. I have to admit that she is so absolutely adorable. She is about 6 months old and is the most loveable kitten that I've ever seen. But then again, anything is loveable if you consider that I've mostly only had Siamese cats. :) Lily only has a little bob tail and she starts wagging it when she gets excited. It is so cute. We've had a little bit of work getting Lily and the other animals used to each other. Marley (our house horse) loves to nose her to death when she is on our lap. And she will just sit as patient as can be and watch her when Lily is sitting on her cat tree. But the second Lily jumps down...it is like the rabbit out of the chute at the greyhound track. Holy cow! They are getting better with each day, though.

Things with my Dad haven't really changed a whole lot. It seems like we are in the constant waiting game. The results of the tissue biopsy do show that the cancer is in fact stage IV Melanoma and so lung surgery is definitely out. Dad did have a procedure done on the spot in his brain. It was this cyber-knife that was like a high powered radiation that was supposed to zap the tumor. He just got the approval from the insurance company for the chemo drugs and so hopefully he can start that very soon. After he does some of this chemo then our hope is that he can start a clinical trial. Overall, Dad is feeling pretty good and just has some days where he is tired.

We have a whole lot more going on right now that I'm sure I will be posting about soon. Between the kids, school, work, and life...things are just crazy. We just try to enjoy every second that we can and make the most of each day. You just never know what tomorrow is going to bring.

Dad's Surgery

Well, I know that this is technically Ethan and Emily's journal, but I'm starting this update about my dad. He had surgery on Thursday to get a tissue biopsy of the lung tumor and also to place a port for his chemo treatments. It sounds like this could be just a simple in and out procedure, but that is just not the case. This procedure is done using a new robot technology. The procedure was done at Mobile Infirmary Medical Center, and we were very pleased with the hospital and staff. Thankfully they did warn us before going in that this procedure could take a while and to not get panicked if it seemed to be longer than planned. He was taken in a little after 7am and we were given several updates during the surgery. After 6 long hours, we finally got the call that it was over. Dad was taken to the ICU and we headed to speak to the doctor. We found out that the robotic procedure was a success and they got enough of a sample of the tissue to send off. We should have the results within a week. Unfortunately, though, Dad did have a problem with anesthesia and they were not able to get him off of the ventilator. This was one of my dad's biggest fears before they started and it broke my heart to hear this. When dad had his kidney cancer back in 1997 and had to have his kidney removed, he had to be on a ventilator after that surgery. He wasn't expecting it and woke up out of surgery in a complete panic. It was HORRIBLE! He was scared and felt like he couldn't breathe because he was fighting and working against the machine. Thankfully at the time my Uncle Roy (dad's brother) was there next to him and realized what was happening and was able to calm him down and explain to him to relax and let the machine do its job. Because of that, Dad has always been a little fearful of that happening again. He even asked about it before going in for this surgery and they did warn him that it was a possibility if things didn't go well and so at least he was prepared. Well, when the doctor told us that he was on a ventilator, my heart sank. Oh how I wished that Uncle Roy could have been there at that moment! I said a quick prayer that he would be watching down from heaven and looking out for his brother. And I prayed that Dad would not be struggling in any way or in any pain. When Mom and I walked in the room, I could tell that Mom was not handling the situation well at all. I tried to do most of the talking. I didn't know how much Dad knew about the procedure and so I told him that it was successful and that the doctors got the sample that they needed. I also explained to him why he was on the ventilator and that they were going to try and remove it as soon as they could, later that day if possible. Dad was agitated and needing something, but since he couldn't talk it was hard to know what it was. We were able to figure it out because I asked mom to get a towel to wipe off his mouth. It was starting to foam a little bit like Ethan and Emily's used to do when they were on a ventilator and we used to have to constantly keep their mouth cleaned out. As soon as I mentioned to Mom to get something to wipe his mouth, Dad just started nodding his head up and down. That is what he was trying to tell us. Mom was doing her best at holding her emotions in check and talking to Dad, but it was really a struggle for her. I was so proud of her, though.

We eventually had to leave the ICU and let Dad rest. We drove home from Mobile and had a very short time to pick up the kids from school and I gave them some hugs and then Mom and I got Grandma and Gram and we headed back up to the hospital to see Dad again for the next ICU visitation time. By the time we got there, Dad was off of the ventilator and boy was that a sight for sore eyes. Dad was back to being his usual joking self and making the nurses laugh. As soon as they pulled out the ventilator he said, "What took you so long?!" Then he said, "Oh my! What happened to my voice? Why is it so deep?" The nurse thought he was serious and she started explaining about how that can happen after being intubated and that it could be like that for a few days. Dad looked at her and said, "Yeah, but I used to sound like Mickey Mouse. Great! There goes my career!" Ha-ha! Now, for anybody who does not know my dad, he has the deepest and gruffest sounding voice you could ever hear. So this really made the nurse laugh. Then he was trying to trick them into all different kinds of ways that he needed food. Like he said that each night he takes his pills with vanilla milkshakes and she had to really look at him to see if he was serious or not. And then he said, "Well, I do drink a vanilla milkshake every night and I do take my pills every night." :) They were probably wishing they could shove that tube back down his throat after all of that talking he was doing. Ha-ha!!!

Thankfully, Dad is home now. He is sore, but doing okay. We are just glad that this surgery is behind us. For now, we will focus on today being a good day!

Now for a little update on who this blog is intended for...Ethan and Emily. We are starting to plan a birthday party. Since Rob has his Army drill on the weekend of their birthday, we will be having a party the weekend before their birthday. The kids were pretty excited about that! Ethan is having a Harry Potter party and Emily is having a kitten themed party. And when I say "themed", I use that term loosely. I buy just a few themed decorations to make them think they are having a theme and then I fill in with plain stuff. I save money that way and then I'm able to do something special like rent a moonwalk for the occasion. I like that idea better than spending the money and going away somewhere for a party. Having twins and trying to do a double party at one time could get very expensive, but we've always managed to do okay with it.

School is going really well for the kids. I am just so proud of how the kids are doing. When I went in to pick up Ethan from school the other day, I could just see the pride on his teacher's face when she told me about him. She was telling me about his day and she was bragging to me about how he carries his Harry Potter book with him and reads every chance he gets. She said that he even took it with him to lunch and read. She told me that he was on page 120-something. She was amazed at his reading and his math skills. And Emily, of course, is always trying to compete with everybody in her class. She comes home from school and gives me updates on who she is beating in her class on AR points and in Rocket Math. Ha-ha!

I just can't believe that I almost have 8 YEAR OLDS!!!!

Field Trip and Friends

It's so amazing to see how much of a difference there is between first grade and second grade. I'm always so amazed when I see the writing of my children and see what their little minds have come up with. I laughed so hard one day when I was reading sentences that Ethan had to write in school. He got to make up the sentences using some of his spelling words. Here are a few of his sentences:

My dog is sad.

My desk is a mess.

My house has dust.

There were a lot more like this, but these are just a few. But basically, Ethan's sentences were all glimpses into his real life and not "made up" things at all. For example, I asked him about the dog being sad sentence. He said that Marley was really sad that morning when they went to school because she had to see them get out of the car because I was taking her to the vet. And when I asked him about the dust one, he said, "Well, our house DOES have dust!" Ha-ha! And of course Ethan's desk is a mess. Everything Ethan owns is a mess. :) What I think is funny is how Ethan only writes in non-fiction, just like he only likes to read non-fiction stuff.

And then I have Emily, the complete opposite of her brother. She loves to be creative and draw and write stories about make believe stuff, yet her room is almost always clean. If she is writing a story about something, you can almost always guarantee that it will be some type of fantasy and involve talking animals. In fact, just this evening she was upset because Ethan never wants to play with her with her toys and he is always just wanting to build with his Legos or she plays with him with his toys. She just kept whining and whining and whining about it. I did something tonight that I am not proud of, but was kind of necessary. I paid Ethan off. I paid him to go and play with his sister. Not only did he have to go and play with her in her room and with her animal toys, that also had to include the animal sounds and pretend voices that went with it. And the deal was that Ethan was NOT allowed to tell Emily that I was paying him either or the deal was OFF! :)

Emily went on a field trip last week at school and she had such a wonderful time. She went to Dr. Dykes vet office. It also happens to be the vet that we use so she is used to going there when we take our pets. Although she was very sad that I could not be there, she was very excited to tell me all about the trip. She got to see a baby kangaroo, and lots of other animals. She also told me all about the operating room where they do their surgeries. She told me about this table that has holes in it so if an animal is bleeding, the blood can just drain through the holes. My child is just so practical at times and is fascinated by the oddest things.

Friday night Emily went to a slumber party. It was the party of one of her best friends, Molly. This is going to be one of those times when I need to take a moment to acknowledge somebody else in my blog and that would be Molly. You see, I have to say that overall, I am so proud of both of my kids and who they have always chosen to be friends with, but let me just tell you how special Molly is and how much I adore this sweet child. Emily has known her since kindergarten and been in a class with her since 1st grade. I always knew that Emily and Molly were two of the little blond foursome that were best friends, but it was when her first grade teacher and I were talking one day toward the end of the school year last year and discussing teacher assignments for the next school year that I really understood how important Molly was to Emily. I found out what a little mother hen Molly was to Emily throughout the school year. And I don't mean that in a bad way, but strictly in a caring and compassionate way. If Emily was hurting, Molly was the one to check on her and make sure she was okay.

We were lucky enough to have Molly and Emily in class together again this year. And on Friday, the day of Molly's slumber party, Emily had a really bad day in school with several headaches. She was pretty bad off and even fell asleep in the corner of the classroom for a while. When she got home, I was concerned about her going to the party and she said, "Molly told me that if I get a headache then she will make sure and find me a very quiet place where I can lay down." My heart just about melted for the sweet compassion of this seven year old friend. Well, Emily did end up going and luckily she didn't have anymore headaches. However, when I picked her up the next morning, Molly's mom told me that while everybody was dancing around in the middle of the floor, Emily tripped and fell. Molly jumped up and yelled for everybody to STOP!!! Then she went over and asked Emily if she hit her head on anything and made sure she was okay before anybody continued to dance around. Emily assured her that she was fine and she got back up and the party continued. Again, I have to say that I seriously LOVE this child and don't think that I could ask for a better friend for Emily.

Before I close, I need to give an update on my dad. Today was supposed to be the final date of his surgery that had been postponed several times. It ended up being cancelled altogether, though, in light of new information. Dad is now being seen by a new group in Mobile at a cancer institute. Before they saw my dad, they required more testing as well as went over all of the previous test results. Unfortunately, some suspicious spots were found in Dad's brain. They cannot confirm that these spots are cancer, but they need to have further testing done on them. The new doctors have said that surgery is just not an option anymore for this type of cancer. You can't treat just the one area. You have to treat the entire disease. That means with some type of drug therapy like chemo. They are looking at trying to get Dad into a clinical trial in New Orleans, but this can't take place until the spots in his brain are dealt with. Dad will have more extensive testing done later this week and will consult with more neurosurgeons. Again, I am asking for prayers for Dad as well as all of us.

Ethan and Emily go over and see their papa as much as they can and it is just like it has always been. However, with Emily, she is really being affected by his illness now. One night she started talking to me about heaven and about how beautiful it is and how happy Jesus is to see you when you get there and how you get to see the people and animals that died before you. She had honestly painted such a beautiful picture of everything that it was so hard to be sad about such a difficult topic. Another day she told me that while she was at school she prayed for Papa to get through all of this. And then she got really quiet and said, "I prayed for him while I was in the bathroom. Is that okay?" I just smiled and said that of course it is okay. I told her that that is probably one of the quietest places you are and so it makes a good place to pray. She just smiled.

So, if any of you have it in you, and happen to find yourself in a quiet place like the bathroom...could you please say a little prayer for my dad?

Week One

The first week of school is over, and it was successful! The kids are so happy to be back in school and just jumped right back into the routine as if they never left it. They come home from school so excited about their day and can't wait to tell me what they learned. Ethan is even reading so much more than he was before. Ethan told me that he wishes that the school year went from January through December with only a Christmas break and a Spring Break. Let's give him a few years and see if he still feels that way. Ha-ha!

It is quite obvious that both of the kids got teachers that fit their personalities perfectly. Ethan's teacher is doing a great job in keeping him motivated. I can tell that their work is mostly review stuff right now, and I can't wait until he starts getting stuff that challenges him more and makes him think. Emily ADORES her teacher. They have been doing some fun science stuff in class this week and they are taking a field trip to a vet's office next week. Emily comes home every night and tells me stories about her class. The funny thing, though, is that most of her stories are about how she was hanging out with her teacher and they were joking around, or how she went over to hang out with her teacher from last year (which she also LOVED!) and she got to be a helper in her class. The girl cracks me up. It's almost like school is just a social outlet to her, and her best friends are all of the adults in the building.

Both of the kids are having a blast in Extended Day, the after school child care program. I really am glad that they are in that. They get to do things like go to the computer lab, play in the gym, play on the playground, play board games, etc. And they are also given a snack. The kids are really getting to do way more in Extended Day than if they came straight home after school. It's nice to know that when I pick them up each afternoon, they are happy and having fun. We are all so happy that school is back in session!

Now for the update that I wish that I didn't have to give. We got the results back on my dad's most recent biopsy. This was the final one they did in preparation for his upcoming surgery scheduled for this coming Friday. The biopsy results have confirmed the cancer and we finally have a diagnosis as to what kind. MELANOMA! I wasn't expecting that, although I knew that it was a possibility considering that Dad has had several spots of Melanoma cut off of his skin. I guess I was more expecting this cancer to be the renal cell cancer that had returned from when his kidney was removed back in 1997. The only thing that I can say that is good is that we finally have an answer. However, Melanoma is not good news. Being that it is already into his organs, it is considered Stage IV. In the past, treatment options for Melanoma have not been very successful, but according to the doctor, there is a new cancer clinic in Mobile with an Oncologist that actually specializes in Melanoma. He is getting Dad an appointment right away. He said that there are some new treatments available now, but I don't have details or statistics on them. And time is still of the essence and his surgery is still scheduled for Friday. I'm torn up about this and don't know what to think. All I can say is that right now we need prayers for strength, prayers for healing for my dad, and prayers for guidance for the doctors.

Back to School

I can't believe that summer is over! And boy are we happy about it in the Ebbert household! Ethan and Emily have been so ready to be back in school and so have I. Ethan still loves to hole himself up in his room and just play Legos. Emily has spent the recent weeks being the little helper around the house or going to Nana and Papa's. With a little encouragement from me, the kids and their Daddy started having Monopoly challenges during the day and Ethan and Emily really loved that! And the kids have gotten into playing other board games as well. One day when they were playing the game of Life, Emily said, "I'm going to let Ethan be the banker because he is the smartest person in the house." At the time she said this, we were really at a crossroads on what to do about school this year and whether or not we were going to keep them separated or put them in the same class. There were some changes that had taken place over the summer with teacher changes and Emily's teacher that she was going to have had moved to a different school. Well, considering her horrible year last year with headaches, I was panicking about what to do. I just didn't want to risk having her in a class with just anybody, especially with me working now and not being as easily accessible. I was considering putting them together. However, when Emily made that comment about Ethan being the "smartest person in the house", I was instantly reminded why we separated our kids from the very beginning after Kindergarten. Our kids are not dependant on each other, but they do COMPETE with each other. I did not want either one of them to start having self-esteem issues again. We have tried really hard to make them realize that they each have their own strengths. Emily is a reading and language arts genius and Ethan is our math and science whiz. As it turns out, I am actually very happy now with Emily's new teacher. I had received a call from her first grade teacher informing me of the change and she assured me that the new teacher would be a good fit for Emily and be wonderful in dealing with her issues. I didn't totally rest easy, though, until I met her myself. The moment we sat down and started talking about Emily's issues, she instantly told me that she would just put my cell number in her phone and would text me when Emily is having a problem. Phew! And I think that Ethan's teacher is going to be great. We just got to meet her for the first time last night. This is the teacher that was recommended from his first grade teacher. According to her, she felt like this teacher would be perfect for him because she really pushes her kids and can push Ethan to reach his full potential. When I had mentioned this teacher to another one of my teacher friends, her comment was "she is great for those little Sheldon's". Ha-ha! And yes, we are referring to the character Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory tv show. That is our little nickname for Ethan. When Ethan met his teacher last night and she told him that she likes to do a lot of science, he exclaimed "YES!!!!!" And just so everybody knows, I did ask the kids about being together this year or being separated, and they both said that they DID NOT want to be together.

So, Monday is the first day of school. We have everything ready. The supply fees have been paid. Their uniforms are washed and ready. And this year the kids will be doing something brand new. They will be attending After School Care every afternoon. Since I'm working now, and hopefully Rob will be soon, we just had to make arrangements for care for them now. This year the school received a grant for their ASCC program and they will offer music, art, and even tae kwon do. The kids are actually pretty excited about going. It's nice to know that I don't have to worry about them and they will have a chance to get their homework done there before they even come home!

My job is going okay. I've been there a month now, although it feels like a year. Ha-ha! I've gotten into a routine and so that is good. After all of my training was over and I was actually working on my own, I had only been there three days before they had offered me a full time position. I was hired in as part-time and was told that full time positions are few and far between in the bank. So, when they offered me the full time position, I jumped on it and accepted. That day, I came home from work and broke the news to the kids. I had warned Rob on my way home. Emily had still been really struggling with me working anyway, and so I knew the news would be hard to take. I came home that day and was in a good mood and said, "Guess what? I have good news!!" Emily said, "What? You don't have to work until 5:00 anymore?" In my mind, I thought...Oh shoot, this isn't going to go well. I then said with enthusiasm, "No, they offered me a full time job and I accepted." Emily made a scowling look on her face and replied, "How is THAT good news?!?!?!" The bright side now is that she has adjusted. A month has gone by and she is no longer crying when I leave. She tells me all the time how much she misses me during the day, and I know that she does, but once school starts then she will be so much happier.

I also wanted to give an update on my dad. He is needing prayers right now more than ever. He has had a really difficult time this summer with his health. He was having that heart flutter and had to have his heart shocked back into rhythm. He suffered from that horrible allergic skin reaction that made him miserable and he's just now feeling normal again from that. He finished his radiation treatments for his cancer and he had his follow-up CT scan just last week. The news was not what we had hoped for. The mass in his lung did not shrink at all from the radiation like they had hoped. In fact, it had grown some. The doctors have said that time is of the essence right now and that the mass MUST come out, and soon. It is starting to wrap around his airway. The mass is about the size of your fist and is sitting in his lung almost against his heart. The plan is to go in and remove the mass and part of his lung. That is if it all goes well. If it doesn't go well then they will have to remove the entire lung. The recovery will be very long and very painful. The surgery was originally planned for next week (Aug 18). Dad went yesterday to do some preliminary testing and he found out that he isn't stable enough for surgery right now. The surgery has been postponed until Aug 27 to get everything stabilized. We really need all of the prayers that we can get.

I know that I have gone a long time between updates, but I will be updating again soon since we have the first day of school next week as well as Dad's surgery coming up.

One Week Down

It has been a week since I started my new job, and we've already gotten into quite a routine. Emily had a rough first few days, but she soon learned that it wasn't as bad as she thought that it would be and she started coping with it. At first, though, she started telling me that she wasn't coming home. She spent every night at her Nana and Papa's house because she said that she didn't think she could stand to see me leave for work in the morning. I indulged her drama for the time being only because her cousin, Chase, was still in town and they were all three going to stay over there, but I told her that she better start dealing with it because it was just the way it was and that she WAS coming home! I think she found out that she actually handled it better when she was at home and saw me in the morning before work. She is THE most stubborn person. I know, I know, those of you (especially family members who know me the most) will say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ha-ha! I know it...and I will admit it!

We did, however, receive the most special little gift in the mail the other day and I only wish I knew who to thank. In the middle of the week, we received this Fedex box with a bright yellow box with smiley faces all over it. It was addressed to Emily and myself. Inside were wonderful smiley face sugar cookies! It was the most special gift to brighten our day...heck, our week! So, whoever sent it, THANK YOU!

My job is going well. All I'm doing right now is lots and lots of computer training. I never realized before how federally regulated the banks are!!! It's a lot of stuff to learn. I have one more day of computer courses until I can start what they call my "mentor training".

Ethan and Emily are in tennis lessons again. They are enjoying it and doing well. I'm so impressed with how much they have learned since they first started taking lessons a year ago. I hope they decide to keep it up.

Yesterday I decided to deem it "Family Day" in our house. I realized lately that Ethan has been going off by himself and just spending a lot of time in his room either playing Legos, playing video games, or watching tv. It has been bothering me that he has been spending so much time by himself. So, on Saturday night while he was watching Harry Potter, I snuggled with him and told him that on Sunday, he wasn't going to play any video games or watch tv, but that we were going to have a total family day together. At first he looked at me with these huge eyes like he wasn't sure he liked that, but then yesterday he told me that he had the best day ever. After going to church, all four of us played basketball, we played frisbee, we played some checkers, the kids ran around and played some of their own made up games, it was just an awesome day. And the best part was that not a single video game was played!!!! I am going to designate at least one weekend day like that.

It's a new week. Let's hope that this week goes well!

A new chapter...

Today started a new chapter in our lives. I started my new job. After 8 years spending my every waking hour to care for the total needs of my children, I have decided that it is not only time for me to go back to work, but it is necessary. Eight years ago, in August 2002, I was put on bed rest when I was pregnant with Ethan and Emily. From that point on, everything I have done in my life has been for my children.

When Rob got laid off of work again and we both started looking for jobs, the idea of going back to work was so exciting for me. The reality of the situation was that I NEEDED to find a job, but I soon realized that I also WANTED to find a job. I was thrilled at the idea of feeling fulfilled again in the workplace and when I was hired... well, I really felt great!

I set out and started preparing for my first day. I got some new clothes. Took care of some last minute things that needed to get done around the house and I was ready to go. There was just one tiny little problem, and she is just a little over 3 1/2 feet tall. She has blond hair, blue eyes, and she is terribly upset by this new chain of events. She answers to the name of Emily.

She had been getting more and more frantic as we had been counting down the days until today, but last night was the moment that I don't think I could have prepared myself for even if I had tried. We had already made arrangements for the kids to spend the night at Nana and Papa's house because we thought that it would be easier for them to not see me leave early this morning since I had to work in Downtown Mobile today. Emily had a massive break down last night and she sat in my lap and sobbed on my shoulder and snotted on my shirt for well over an hour. It was the most heartbreaking thing that I have ever experienced in my life. The way she acted was as if I was leaving her for good and moving away. There really was no consoling her. And there really are no words to describe how much my heart was aching for her and how much I wanted to take away her pain.

I left her at my parents' house as she was crying in my mom's lap. My mood for the rest of the night was the most melancholy I have ever felt in my life. In fact, I ended up just needing time to be alone. I could no longer feel the excitement that I had been feeling to start my new job. My mood just wouldn't allow it. I started to feel this overwhelming guilt despite the fact that I knew that the kids would be okay. I ended up locking myself into the bathroom and just crying. And I...DON'T...DO...THAT! EVER!!! I never allow myself to have pity parties. It's not in my nature. But I had one last night. I was suddenly filled with flashbacks of when the kids were infants and I was trying to teach Emily to crawl. How hard I worked with her every single day just to do the most basic things that babies do on their own. I remembered how I sat day after day and watched those videos on learning the baby sign language just so I could teach it to Ethan because he had speech apraxia and couldn't even babble like a normal baby, let alone say a word. I remembered all of the times that I sat with the kids through weeks and weeks of Kindermusik classes for several years in a row and our therapists would meet us to do their therapies there. I just sat there and balled my eyes out as all of these years of memories of being a stay at home mom with my kids and actually BEING THERE for them as I have helped them navigate their way through some of the toughest obstacles of their little lives. I know that in the grand scheme of things, I am doing something that is right for me and for all of us in the long run, but it is just hard taking that step.

So, last night as the tears flowed, I closed that final chapter in my life and in my children's lives. Today I woke up and we started the new one. Guess what??? We all survived! We will get through this adjustment period and everything will work out. As far as my new job...it was a first day. That is all I'm going to say right now. Ha-ha!

Summer Update!

So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to start. Ethan and Emily had their swimming lessons. Wow! What an experience that was. Emily HATED going. And I do not use the word "hate" lightly. She cried every single morning and even came up with every single ailment you could imagine as to why she couldn't participate in lessons. It was really sad and pitiful, but I knew that she needed the lessons and I knew that it was for her own good. I had a very long talk with her and explained that I wouldn't be doing her any good or doing my job as a parent if I didn't make sure that she learned how to swim. It was about safety, not about having fun. Ethan actually LOVED going and never wanted to get out of the pool when the lessons were over. Thankfully that was the case because I don't think I could have handled two of them being like Emily.

By the end of the second week, Emily was jumping off of the side of the pool into the deep end and swimming to the ladder all by herself. It was not an easy task for her, but she did it. I was very proud of her and she was proud of herself, but she obviously still had way more difficulty swimming than Ethan. I don't know if it is because of the spasticity of her muscles due to her CP or something else, but she is really stiff in the water and she has to work much harder to swim and to kick than Ethan does. I really noticed how much harder it is for her when I took her to the pool myself and worked with her on a kick board and it is like she has no core muscles in her body to hold her legs up and kick and she is just so stiff. However, she still managed to make it to the side of the pool. The best thing that came out of swimming lessons is her newfound confidence. Even though I still have to use some kind of floatie or life jacket, I no longer have to get in the water with her. She is comfortable enough now to be on her own. This is HUGE!!! Now, Ethan is doing awesome! I am am just so proud of him. He can swim now on his own and loves doing it. He has become a little fish now.

Those swimming lessons really came in handy when our cousins came in for a visit. The Cullens (from Colorado) came down as well as Aunt Debbie, Kaz and Chase. Wow! What a great time we had! We spent a few days at the Grand Hotel and really enjoyed ourselves, too. Ethan and Emily love having cousins here and they look forward to seeing them each year. And I certainly enjoyed spending that quality time with my family that I just don't get to see often enough.

Regarding my dad, things have been pretty tough lately. It is almost too complicated to post about, but I'll try. He spent Father's Day in the hospital because his heart started doing crazy things. His pulse was extremely elevated, but his blood pressure was low. Not a good mix. He spent five days in the hospital while they tried to get everything under control. Dad was put on several different kinds of blood thinners and many of his medications were changed. For obvious reasons (since he was in the hospital), his radiation had to be stopped for a little while. Well, then he started to develop this weird rash on top of everything else. It started out as just a couple small itchy patches on his back. Within a few days, the rash overtook his entire body. He was out of the hospital by then, but his heart was still not doing well. Dad's stamina has been very low and he sleeps a lot, too. Now, he stays in constant discomfort because of this full body rash that they are assuming is an allergic reaction to one of the medications they changed. His heart is still flip flopping all over the place, and he has been on high doses of steroids to combat the rash now, too. In a nutshell, Dad is not well. So what started out as just a lung mass has no progressed to the lung mass/cancer, now heart problems that aren't seeming to improve, and skin problems that are close to being considered torturous. I probably shouldn't even have to mention this part, but his mood reflects all that is going on with his body. And why wouldn't it?!?! So right now if anybody out there is of the praying sort, Dad needs them... and so does Mom!

On a very positive note, I have some good news to report. I found a job!!!!! After months and months of sending out resumes, I finally found a one. It is still sinking in actually, but I am just so excited! I will be working at a bank. And it happens to be at a branch in our town, too, so it is perfect! I love the fact that I got a job that will allow me to still have decent hours and be there for the kids and their schedule. It is going to feel so good getting back into the work force again after all of these years. I start my new job on Monday. Unfortunately tonight, Emily cried herself to sleep. She is NOT taking the news very well. I tried very hard to explain how excited I am and how it is a good thing for me and for our family, but it was all falling on deaf ears. Of course, I do understand her worries and fears and I am sympathetic towards it. I tried to compare it to her as starting the first week of school, how it is for her when she walks into a new class with a new teacher each year and she wonders how things are going to be. But before she knows it, she is in a routine, has made friends, and even finds out that she likes her teacher and likes school. I told her that once we get through the first couple of weeks of my new job, we will start to be in a routine and we will realize that things really will be okay and things will actually be better for us because I will be doing something to make our family be in a better place. Then she asked, "Do you think you will ever get laid off?" Now, why should a 7 year old ever have to worry about something like that?!?! But that is the reality of our economy and situation right now. I told her that I sure hope not, but nobody ever knows that. So, right now I have one very sad little girl on my hands. Ethan seemed to be sad, too, but he holds his feelings in. As long as he has legos and food in his life, then he is generally happy.

Please pray that Monday goes well not just for me, but for my children who have had my undivided attention for their entire lives. This is a HUGE transition.

Summertime!!!!

I can't believe summer is here. Well, not officially, of course, but according to the school calendar it is here in full force! Ethan actually had to miss the last day of school. It was almost a dejavu of last year. The week prior he had started having some coughing and asthma issues, but no other symptoms. Things just never really got better. And then the night before the last day of school, Ethan started running a fever of 103 and coughing. I was worried that things had progressed into pneumonia by that point, but his oxygen levels were still good. Regardless, he was not going to school on the last day. He was devastated! He ended up writing a note to his teacher that I took to the school and delivered to her. It said something like "Dear Ms. L, I am going to miss you. I hope you have a good summer. I had fun in your class this year." And he signed it by drawing a heart and then signing his name. When I gave it to his teacher, she almost started crying. And then I almost started crying because I knew how much Ethan was wanting to be there on the last day of school. It was tough! When I took him to the doctor that day, the pediatrician went ahead and treated him for pneumonia because of his symptoms. He said there wasn't really a need to do the chest x-ray because he was going to treat him the same way no matter what. Plus, we were supposed to be leaving for camp in just a few days and we really needed Ethan to get well. Ethan was put on Prednisone plus a heavy duty antibiotic. Luckily, the meds did the trick and by the time we left for camp, his coughing was better and he was feeling like Superman because of the steroids.

We ended up having a wonderful time at Magic Moments Family Camp despite a few rain showers here and there. Ethan and Rob went tubing. Emily swam in the lake and played in the sand while they were tubing. The kids loved swimming in the pool. We played in the most awesome pirate tree house ever! We went boat riding. There were fun carnival games where the kids won little prizes. We had quite a competitive round of bingo. They did some arts and crafts. We rocked out and got our groove on during the evening dance. The parents got to enjoy a quiet meal without the kids during Parents Night Out / Kids Night Out. We had an amazing fireworks show! And some of the best times were when we weren't really doing much of anything at all except catching lightening bugs in the evening or eating Pop Rocks on the deck of our cabin. We are so blessed to be able to go to such an amazing camp each year. Magic Moments is truly one of the best children's charities that I've ever seen. Ethan and Emily feel like they keep getting wishes each and every year because of this wonderful camp. For those of you that may not know, Magic Moments hosts a camp each year for the wish children and their families. It is held at Children's Harbor on Lake Martin. Once you've been granted a wish, you are eligible to go to this camp each year until you turn 18. We still have many years left. And the one thing that amazes me about Ethan and Emily is that they are totally blind to children's disabilities that attend this camp. No matter the severity of the other children's issues, it made no difference to my kids. They were all just kids in their eyes! And that's the way it should be! In fact, Emily played in the sand with a little girl who had Spina Bifida and the little girl could only communicate by sign language. Even though Emily couldn't sign with her, they still managed to play together and have fun. But ever since we got home, Emily has been determined to learn to sign. She knows that they used to sign when they were infants and toddlers, but she doesn't remember the signs. She pulled out the signing DVDs I had and she has been watching them and teaching herself to sign. I also pulled out an old sign language book that I had from when I was little and gave it to her.

Also, now that school is out, I have signed the kids up for swimming lessons. They desperately need them. Their P.E. coach from school teaches the lessons and I am praying that they work for the kids. Emily is scared to death about it, too, because I won't be staying for the lesson. Ethan is more excited because he really WANTS to learn to swim. I'm hoping that these are successful because they will end just before our cousins from Colorado come for a visit. I know that we'll be swimming while they are here.

Since the kids have been out of school, they have been doing a lot of reading. Emily was reading a book that was 282 pages. She can't wait until the school library opens next week so she can go in and test on it. They can test on books all summer and they will count towards next year's AR points. I was telling Emily about some of the Beverly Cleary books. I thought that she would really enjoy reading some of those. So we went to the public library yesterday and she got two of the Ramona books. While we were there, Ethan spotted the Harry Potter books. He is such a huge HP fan and really wanted to check out one of the books. I told him he could, but I showed him how thick they were. I just didn't want him to get discouraged. It has only been very recently that he has even gotten into reading. I'd hate for him to give up on it because he got something too hard. I told him to take the book and sit down on one of the couches and read the first two pages for me. I just wanted to make sure that he didn't have any problems with the words, punctuation, comprehension, etc. He sat down and within just a minute or two he was done and said that he wanted to check it out. Well, that was yesterday, and Ethan is already on page 32 of the Harry Potter book! He got the second book in the series because the first one was checked out. He has seen all of the movies so he isn't missing the plot. He has spent so much of the day just reading. He LOVES this book. So, I sat him down this afternoon and worked out a plan with him. I first asked him how it was going and if he was having any trouble at all with any part of the book. He said he wasn't. I told him that when you read really big books like this, you have to do it in baby steps. I told him that if he can read an average of just 10 pages per day, then he can finish the book in just 34 days. I said that that would be a very good goal for him at his age. I really doubt there are many 1st graders who are reading Harry Potter. I told him how proud I was of him to be reading that book. He asked me how many AR points he would get for it and so we looked it up together. He about freaked when I told him. This book is ranked on a 6th grade level and is worth 14 AR points!!! And the really funny part about this is that when Emily heard this she FREAKED! The competition is ON!!!!

And I can't close without asking for some prayers for my dad. He started his radiation this week for his cancer. They are trying to shrink the tumor in his lung before they can do surgery to remove it. Removing it right now is just too risky and they need to try to get it to reduce in size as much as they can before doing any surgery. Please say a prayer for Lenord Roberson if you could.

Big Awards

Ethan and Emily had their 1st Grade award ceremony this past week at school. I was so proud of them. Emily earned a very special trophy for reading and earning over 50 AR points. I think she had around 63 points. Out of all of the first graders (well over 200 of them), there were only 7 students who received this trophy. Emily SHOULD HAVE been very proud of herself. However, while she was on stage with her award, they made an announcement that there was one child in her grade that read over 100 points, and the look of total disgust on Emily's face almost made me laugh out loud. Talk about competitiveness. It was almost like she couldn't enjoy the moment of getting her special award because there was somebody there that read more books than her. I could just see everything that was going through her little mind while she was standing on those risers. I even had to call out to her to smile (we were sitting on the front row) so I could get a picture of her. On her way walking back to where her class was sitting, she came over so I could congratulate her and she immediately mentioned to me how the other girl got over 100 points. I told her how awesome she did and how proud I was of her, but I don't think she cared about all of that. Then I looked at her and said, "Okay, Emily, now you know who you need to beat next year and how much more you need to read." THAT was what she wanted to hear. Goodness gracious this child is competitive! And I wonder where she gets that from... Ha-ha!

As the award program continued, my pride increased. Both of the kids received the Superintendent Award, which is a medal for getting straight A's all year long. I've got to mention how great it is to see Ethan receive this award in his class. He is the only boy in his class to get straight A's. And both of the kids also received awards for receiving excellent conduct grades all year long. Ethan was so cute, though. When he got that award, you could see the look on his face like he didn't understand why he received it. As we were walking back to his room he even asked me about it. I told him it was because he has received G's all year long in conduct and is so good. He looked kind of shocked and sad, and said, "But I didn't." I said, "Well, do you want to tell your teacher and give the award back?" You see, Ethan had a rough couple of days during the first couple of weeks of school. This was before he was diagnosed with ADHD. He has had perfect conduct the entire year since then. The teacher saw Ethan's distress and she asked what the problem was and I explained his concern that he was afraid that he didn't deserve the award because he didn't earn G's all year. She kind of laughed and said that those couple of days in the beginning were forgiven because of the circumstances and he has been so good since then. So, Ethan went home with a clear conscience knowing that he really did deserve and earn his award. Ha-ha! I was also given some of the best news from Ethan's teacher. She gave Ethan a Star test to see what is his current reading level. When she started telling me, I could see how proud she was of him. Ethan tested at 3.8. Basically that means that he tested at 8 months into the 3rd grade year, so almost at a 4th grade reading level. When he started 1st grade, he was just at a 1st grade level and he has improved so much that he has jumped up several grade levels in that short of a time span. Wow! That is amazing!

I still can't believe that I almost have second graders. It seems like only yesterday when I was holding my tiny little preemies in my arms. We only have two more days left of school. Since it was the end of the year, I fulfilled a promise to Emily that I made to her a long time ago. I let her have an end of the year slumber party. It was a total last minute decision. I didn't know if we were going to be able to do it because we have had a lot of stuff going on, but we ended up not having plans this weekend and I wanted to be able to do this for her. I called her friends' moms and luckily they were all able to come. Emily was so excited!!!! Maddy, Molly, and Gracie all spent the night at our house. Those girls had a BLAST!!!!!! At first Ethan did not want to be here, but he changed his mind. He was stuck in a house with four girls and he ended up having fun, too. The kids danced and sang with Emily's Hannah Montana stage. They played in the playhouse. They ate a TON of pizza. We baked a cake. They painted their fingernails and toenails. We roller skated through the house. They just had all kinds of fun. I'm so glad that I was able to do that for Emily. I love seeing the friendships develop at this young of an age.

Next weekend is another big weekend for us. We will be heading up to Lake Martin for our annual Magic Moments Family Camp weekend. We had to miss it last year when Ethan ended up being hospitalized at the last second. We are very much looking forward to going this year!!!

The Race

I have to dedicate much of this blog to talk about something that has been going on for several months. I will just call it The Big Race. I can't even tell you exactly when it started, but it was probably sometime in February. Here is what it is. The "race" is a fictional race against Ethan and his daddy that is drawn on the back of Ethan's school papers. The picture is always the same with the exception of one thing, who is ahead in the race. Let me see if I can set the scene for you. It is a bright and beautiful day with the sun shining big and bright in the sky. The race takes place in the ocean and Daddy is driving a boat and is speeding along as fast as he can go down in front. Ethan is riding a surfboard and appears to be on the ride of his life with this massive wave that is carrying him across the sea. Like I said, the picture has always been the same, except on some days, Ethan was ahead and on other days, Daddy was ahead in the race. The thing is, I never mentioned to Ethan one single thing about this picture. I just casually took his school papers out of his folder and immediately turned them over to see if I would have another drawing. I often wondered how he had the time to draw such detailed artwork on the back of his school work, but I looked forward to it. A while back, when I realized that he was drawing the same picture over and over, I started saving them. I now have a collection of the race pictures. And the best one of them all came this week. I suppose he felt like he had to finally end the race since we are on the last full week of school. The picture was a two part picture. The top part shows the boat and surfboard both heading toward a beach off in the distance with a finish line in front of them. You can see that on the beach is a first place trophy and an award stand. The second part of the picture is where Ethan (the surfer) is celebrating because he won the race. Confetti is flying in the air all around him. So, after months of this ongoing race, Ethan the surfer has beaten Daddy the boater.

It is hard to even comprehend that this is the end of the school year. The kids only have 5 more days left of school. This year has flown by and I am amazed at how much my children have changed during that time. This was definitely a year of growth and maturity. I am so proud of both of them for their accomplishments. This Thursday is their award ceremony at school and we are looking forward to it.

Regarding my dad, we have had some very positive and uplifting news. He had his adrenal gland biopsy and we were very surprised with the results. The test came back NEGATIVE for cancer. The oncologist was as SHOCKED as we were. This is very promising news because it means that we are just dealing with the large mass in his lung right now. Unfortunately for Dad, though, it means another biopsy. They will have to do a needle biopsy on the mass in his lung. They still don't know exactly how to treat it until they know definitively what kind of cancer it is. That test is scheduled for Thursday morning.

As far as Rob and me and the job hunt thing, well...we're still hunting. :)

Lonely Weekend

Rob has Army Drill this weekend. He has been looking forward to this particular weekend for quite a while. It is a three day drill. Friday was spent all day preparing for the big maneuver training that will take place at Camp Shelby in Mississippi. He was pretty exhausted when he got home last night, and he had to be up at 3:30am to leave this morning. He is actually one of the Humvee drivers and had to get certified and receive his license last month. Rob is a little OCD, though, and he was going crazy this week trying to prepare while he was packing his gear. He still hasn't been issued everything from the Army yet and that was bugging him more than I can even explain. I just hope the weekend goes well for him. He didn't get much sleep last night and he has a hard time functioning well when he is overtired.

This weekend also happens to be my dad's birthday. He is turning 65. My parents are gone, though, and are in Houston for the weekend. They are staying with my sister. My cousin and her daughter, Tracy and Ashley, are flying in to Houston from Colorado to be with my parents for the day and to help celebrate Dad's birthday. I am glad that Dad will have a nice birthday celebration, but I am just feeling very left out because I want to be there with him this year. I guess Dad will just have to celebrate twice! And I know he won't mind because you can never have too much cake and ice cream. :)

Dad has had more testing at the cardiologist. He had an echo as well as a stress test. We were very happy to hear that although they still see a weak spot in his heart with decreased blood flow, it has not gotten worse over the past four years. This was wonderful news. This meant that he would not require any kind of heart procedure before moving on in his treatment, whether it was surgery to remove the tumor or whatever else is required. After getting his heart cleared, we had the appointment with the oncologist. In all honesty, we had the news that I was expecting to hear. Another biopsy is needed to fully diagnosis the cancer. This time the biopsy will be done on the adrenal gland. The oncologist is thinking that this is more likely a return of the kidney cancer that Dad had 13 years go and it has spread. The oncologist does not recommend removal of the tumor in the lung. He thinks that his recommendation is going to be shooting this thing with chemo to try and shrink it down, but of course we have to get biopsy results first for confirmation.

Ethan and Emily got their progress reports this week and both are making all A's. I can't believe that we are already approaching the end of the school year. Emily is not going to handle things well when she no longer has Mrs. Watson as a teacher. In fact, her teacher had to call me the other day because Emily had a meltdown in class because the teacher had to leave to go to a meeting. Emily has become very attached to her and I couldn't have asked for anybody better to take care of her when I'm not there, especially considering how rough this year has been for her and her headaches. Emily has had more headaches lately, too, and it got a little concerning for me this week. A couple of them were doozies!

Emily had her last tennis lesson this week. She is such a little tennis pro. I love watching her play. But what I really love is watching her excitement after she hits the ball. If she hits that ball perfectly over the net, she does this little booty shakin' dance thing where she holds either her racket up in the air or just her finger and sings "Oh yeah! Uh huh! Oh yeah! Uh huh!" It is just too adorable for words. And she is giggling so much on the court that her coach is always laughing and smiling at her, too. And that girl has more confidence in herself than anything I have ever seen. For somebody who used to be so shy that she wouldn't ever talk, I am amazed at how she can get up there and just be such a natural leader.

We are so deep into baseball that it is crazy. Man, this sport takes some serious dedication!!! Two to three games every week, plus practices on top of that. And then when I have to factor in time to take him to get his weekly shots and also tennis lessons, well, life has been crazy! And here is the thing about baseball and Ethan. The boy loves it. It doesn't matter to him that every other kid on the team is practically in the major leagues compared to him, he loves it. Half of the time he throws the ball, it only goes half-way to the other person and hits the ground. I've never heard him be hard on himself, nor have I heard the other players be hard on him. If he strikes out when he bats, then he just shrugs it off and runs back to the dugout with a smile on his face. If he happens to get a hit, then you would think it was a home run whether he makes it to the base or not. The best moment of our season so far (other than when Ethan was given that game ball) was when he got a hit and made it to first base. The player after him hit and he was able to make it to third. After that, the next player hit and Ethan started running home. We thought there was a chance that he might actually score a run in the game. He was tagged out at home plate. It didn't matter, though. The best part of the whole thing was when I heard every parent sitting in the stands with us yelling Ethan's name "GO ETHAN! GO ETHAN! GO ETHAN!" It was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. Everybody knows what a special moment that was for us and for Ethan, too. And they realize what a special boy Ethan is, but they just don't realize what all we've overcome for him to even be playing that sport. We love to watch Ethan in the outfield. He is in his own little world when he is out there. You never know what you are going to get when you watch him. Sometimes he does these "ghost pitches" as we like to call them. He just stands out there and I think he is trying to perfect his form on throwing and catching, but of course he has no ball. Other times he is dancing. There are times when he is just spinning his hat on his head. And he loves to star gaze. We joke and say that if he had his way, he would take his telescope out on the field with him. And sometimes he just picks grass. And this is one that secretly makes me smile the most. Other moms would probably go crazy and want to yell at their child to stand up, but I think back to all of the years that Ethan had a grass aversion due to his sensory issues. I love the fact that he is touching grass. I still doubt he would ever sit in it, even today, but running his hands in it is a start. So, here I am, a proud baseball mom. Yes, not the typical baseball mom that you'd usually see, but let me assure you, I couldn't be prouder of my little star-gazing outfielder!

What a week!

This has been a roller coaster of a week. And I need to start this post off on a very positive note because we had a couple of wonderful and exciting things happen. One of them is with my little pint sized reader. Emily reads books ALL THE TIME! She loves to read and will read just about anything and everything. And yes, that even includes my Twilight book, but I'll save that for another post. (And in case anybody is wondering, Emily is totally "Team Jacob". Ha-ha!) The kids take AR tests at school on the books they read and each book has a certain point value assigned to it. Most 1st graders probably are averaging right now between 15-25 AR points depending on how well they read and comprehend what they read. I am so extremely proud of Emily right now because she is doing so extremely well. I received a text message from her teacher the other day telling me that Emily had just reached 50 POINTS!!!! That is VERY hard for a 1st grader to accomplish this! It is a very big deal! Ethan is doing very well, too, and is getting very motivated now that Emily has all of these points. In fact, when Emily finished reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid, he grabbed the book and sat and read it and he finished the entire book in just a few days.

Ethan is having such a good time playing baseball and he is really improving on his batting. We had three games this week. On one of the games Ethan had the proudest moment of his life. At the end of the game, he was awarded the game ball. The coach usually gives out the game ball to the player that did his best that game. Well, Ethan was obviously not the best player, but I know that he gave Ethan the ball because Ethan has improved so much and he really gives it his all. What was so amazing to see was the look of such innocent pride and joy on Ethan's face as he accepted it. That ball couldn't have been more important or meaningful if it had been solid gold or filled with diamonds. I was so thrilled for Ethan that night and loved seeing my son go to bed with such a huge smile on his face.

The rest of our week has been very busy. Rob and I are job hunting like crazy. Plus, we are helping Mom and Dad while they prepare to move into the little house. There are so many changes that are taking place right now and we just have to move with it and not focus too much on the details.

Dad got his results of his PET scan today. The news was not good. We know that the mass in his lung IS cancer. We also know that there is also another spot that is cancer located on his adrenal gland. Basically this means that it is either lung cancer that has spread to his adrenal gland, or it is renal cancer that has spread to his lungs. The doctor says that surgery to remove the mass is still necessary, but we have to make sure that his heart is strong enough first. He has an appointment to have an echocardiogram tomorrow and a stress test on Mon and Tues. He may have to have a heart procedure BEFORE having the lung surgery. Dad also has to see the oncologist, too. The oncologist will make the ultimate decision on how to treat the cancer. In a nutshell, we are all devastated, but still hopeful.

Dad's Test Results

I went with Mom and Dad yesterday to receive the news on Dad's biopsy. I was going to be the extra set of ears. I wanted to be there to listen for myself on what was to be said. I knew that my mom was not emotionally prepared for whatever the news might be, and I was ready to take notes and ask questions with my dad so we could help make the best treatment decisions possible. I had my little notebook and pen in my pocket and I was ready. My mom had already taken her anxiety pill and she was ready. (Ha-ha!) My dad was his usual calm and cool self and he was ready. (For anybody that doesn't personally know my parents, I have inherited my dad's calm nature and inner strength when it comes to facing challenges.) So, in we walk, heading to the exam room. What happened next is not what I expected at all. But before I tell about that, I have to back up and explain something that happened last week.

I am a realist. I really am. Though this past week I have had to listen to my grandma tell me on numerous occasions that I am a pessimist. I will tell you that I know that I'm not a pessimist, and the reason I know is because a pessimist doesn't have hope. Trust me, I have never lost hope. My life depends on hope. With everything that I have faced and will face (and the ones who know me well know what I mean by this) know that I have to have hope to live and stay sane. However, I live in reality and fully understand what can happen and don't kid myself about it. So when we are told that Dad has terminal cancer and has a huge mass in his lung, I tend to listen. I was standing in the room myself and listening to the doctor during the biopsy when he told us that they are quite certain that Dad has some type of cancer and it is just a matter of figuring out what kind. They didn't even know if it was operable and didn't even know what kind of treatment options were available. That was the point of the biopsy. After the biopsy on Tuesday, the doctor told us how many good samples he got and how they should have no problem at all determining what it is. And while he is telling us this, things were still pretty grim sounding. However, Dad was not worried. And the reason Dad was not worried is because of something that had happened just a couple of days prior.

Dad was sitting in the doctor's office waiting room and just listening to the music playing. His mood was low, things were not looking good. The doctors are saying he has terminal cancer. Suddenly, Dad has this feeling, like a voice that came into his head, and it told him that everything was going to be okay. It told him that he will have to have surgery to remove this thing, it will be contained, but that he will be okay. And then after that he just has this instant feeling of peace and is not worried anymore. Now remember, this was BEFORE the biopsy. Dad came home and started telling all of us about this and I actually started getting mad because Mom and Grandma started thinking that everything was perfect now because Dad said so. Dad has always been a dreamer of sorts, and in a way I was thinking that he was just trying to make them not worry. I was getting mad because they were not facing the reality of the situation and I didn't want them to be set up for more grief and upset later. And still, Dad was insistent that he was going to have surgery and that everything would be fine because of that "feeling" he had. Now, fast forward to the exam room when the doctor walks in to give us the results of the biopsy.

The doctor looks at the three of us and after we said our greetings, he just started shaking his head with a kind of dumbfounded expression. He said, "The test was non-diagnostic." It was inconclusive. We must have looked at him like he had grown another head! Seriously. How could this be? Even the doctor was confused and shocked. He didn't understand it and said that he doesn't know what happened. He said that maybe the mass moved when he was getting the sample and he didn't actually grab part of the mass. That is just one theory. Who knows what else could possibly be the case. He also told us that even though he was absolutely certain before that this thing was cancer, he did say that there is a chance that this is benign. He said that it would be a very rare chance, but it is a chance. He looked straight at my dad then and what I heard next just stunned me. He said, "Regardless of what this is, I think you need to have surgery to get it out." My dad, looking as calm as ever, just replied back that he already knew that. Now remember that before the biopsy, they didn't even know if surgery would be possible. Now he is looking at my dad and saying that this is the absolute plan and what we are doing next. Dad is at peace with it. I am still stunned.

So, here is the next chain of events. Monday Dad will see his cardiologist to make sure that his heart is strong enough to withstand that major of a surgery. Tuesday he will have another lung function test. Wed will be the next big test. He will have a PET scan. This will be the test to give us an idea whether or not this thing is cancer and if there are more spots elsewhere. He will then meet with a thoracic surgeon and plan the surgery if everything else checks out. It is all happening so fast now. We need lots and lots of prayers.

We laugh so we don't cry!

My dad had his biopsy on Tuesday and it went well. Dad was in very good spirits and he has a very positive outlook on things. The doctor did come out and talk to us and he said that although they know that this is a type of cancer that they are dealing with, they have no idea of knowing what kind until we get the results back from the biopsy. He showed us the pictures from the procedure and he pointed out how the tumor is compressing the airway. We will go in to get the results from the biopsy on Friday.

This week is Spring Break and we have been very busy trying to help Mom and Dad clean out their house and also clean and sort out Grandma's stuff out of the little house to get things ready for all of the changing and moving that will soon take place. Ethan and Emily are handling things really well now and are being such a big help to everybody.

Just when we thought we were handling everything and preparing ourselves for potentially the worst news we could still potentially receive, we were hit extremely hard with another blow yesterday. With just one day shy of working 90 days at his new job, Rob got laid off again. I truly am numb about this. And to think that I was just sitting there yesterday and worrying about what I would do about child care for my kids for Friday while I go to my Dad's doctor's appointment with my parents while they find out the results of his biopsy. I guess I don't have to worry about child care now since Rob will be home. That is one less worry on my plate. Ha-ha!

This is really going to sound like I've gone crazy, and maybe I have. Or maybe I have gone just a little bit insane just to protect myself mentally, but for some reason I am not freaking about this unemployment yet. And I should. I really should. The last time he was laid off I did freak. And we were way better off because he had a pretty good 401K that saved us. Well, that is gone. We had to live on that to survive for 7 months when we had no income. I should be FREAKING OUT! But I'm not. I'm watching what my parents are going through, thinking about what we're facing in the future, and this is just another blip on the radar. Everything in our lives are just temporary anyway. Enjoy it while you can, but it is the people around you that matter the most. I really don't know what will happen or what our next step will be, but whatever it is, I'll be okay.

Fallen Tears

I broke the news to Ethan and Emily this morning about their Papa. I started out by saying that there were going to be some changes that were coming up. Emily immediately stopped me and said, "Now I'm getting worried." I told her that it didn't have anything to do with us and that we were fine. (She was probably thinking about what happened last year with the lay-off. That was really hard on all of us.) I told them that Nana and Papa were going to be putting their house up for sale and she started to panic and she said, "WHY??? WHAT'S WRONG??? WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM???" I explained to them that Papa found out that he is sick and before I could even say anything else, she cut me off and just started to sob uncontrollably. They wanted to know why they are moving and I explained that the house that Grandma lives in is actually Nana and Papa's house, too. They didn't realize that. They know how much harder it is for Grandma to get around now and do things and I told them that with what is going on now, Nana and Papa have decided that it is just too much trouble to keep up with two houses. They have decided to get rid of the big house and it will just be easier if they all live together.

Emily was so distraught about the news of her papa. When I asked her if she had any questions, she just wanted to know if I knew what was going to happen to him. I said that for right now the doctors are going to run some tests so they can figure out what they can do to try and help him. And I told her that I honestly can't give her an answer about what will happen. I told her that I didn't know and that is why the doctors are still needing to do more tests. And as she is sitting in my lap and sobbing, I told her that the important thing is that we never lose hope that he will get better. I reminded her about how when she was born we were told by doctors that she would probably never walk or talk. She asked me if I was sad when I found that out. I told her that I was terribly sad and that I cried a lot, but that I never gave up hope that she would get better. I said that sometimes people get better and sometimes people don't, but no matter what happens we will always have each other and that we love each other very much. I also reminded her that right now her papa is still the same ol' silly papa that loves to play with her and tell her stories. I reminded her about how he was teasing her just last night and playing around with her. Just because the doctors say he is "sick" doesn't mean that he isn't the same person that he's always been. I told her that her papa will always love both of them very much.

I just want to make sure that the kids don't dwell on the sadness and can enjoy the time they do spend with him. However, with all of the changes that are about to be taking place, they needed to know what was going on. And now it has been a couple of hours since I told them. The tears have since dried and Emily is happily playing with her cousin who is over at our house today. The sounds of sadness have left my house and I can now hear nothing but the sweet joy of laughter.

Sad news

I have some very sad news to share. We just found out that my dad has been diagnosed with cancer. He has a very large mass in his lung and will have it biopsied on Tuesday. The results of this will determine what kind of cancer it is and if it is treatable. The mass in his lung is 2 inches by 3 inches in size and is located very near his heart. This is obviously very bad news considering the location and the size of the mass.

To say we are devastated is an understatement. My dad is the rock and foundation of our family. He is the one we turn to for advice. He is the one we turn to for comfort. He is the one we turn to for strength. He is the one we turn to for encouragement and support. And most of all, he is the one who can bring a smile to the face of a child by just telling one of his silly made-up stories.

As a daughter who has to think about what it will mean to lose her father, it is heartbreaking. But to think about watching my children lose their Papa, that is just gut-wrenching and almost unbearable. But despite the pain and heartache, I choose to not let this drag me down. Whatever the outcome of the biopsy is, we can't change it. The only thing we can control is how we choose to live each day. I choose to live each day knowing that I have lived it to its fullest and with the ones that I love. That is all that matters anymore.

Easter

I know it has been a while since I posted anything and so much has happened that there is no way that I can catch everything up. I'll try, though. We had a very unfortunate event in our family. My mother-in-law passed away from complications of Huntington's Disease. She fought a long and hard battle for many years. We are relieved that she is no longer suffering, but the loss is still a tragic one. We made the long trip to Dallas to be at her funeral and to be with Rob's family during that time. Despite the circumstances, it was great to see the family and also nice to see my sister and nephew. We stopped at their house along the drive their and back to help break up our trip. Ethan and Emily loved spending time with all of their cousins.

The kids are so busy right now with their individual sports. I am so over scheduled right now that it isn't even funny. Ethan has baseball practice or games several times a week. Emily has tennis lessons once a week. And then we also have to take Ethan to Pensacola every week to get allergy shots. Ethan is loving baseball. Even though he is the new player on a team of very seasoned players, he is learning and enjoying himself. He is just having fun and that is all that matters. Emily can kick some serious butt on the tennis court. Her tennis coach this year is the head of the city's recreation department and he has made several comments about how good she is. Gosh, if he only knew where she has been in her life to really know how far she's come. :)

The kids both made A Honor Roll again at school for the third quarter and we just had their award assembly. And once again, Ethan was the only boy in his class to receive A Honor Roll. I was pretty proud of that. I went with the kids on their first grade field trip this past Thursday to the Gulf Coast Exploreum. They had a dinosaur exhibit and their usual hands on science stuff. We had a great time. The kids all loved it. And I again realized that teachers don't get paid enough money to do the work that they do. Ha-ha!

Well, today is Easter Sunday. And something BIG happened in our house very early this morning. THE EASTER BUNNY WAS CAUGHT!!! I was caught red handed hiding eggs in the yard! I set my alarm for 4am. I snuck out the back door and went around through the fence. Just as I was placing my final egg, the porch light comes on and Rob walks out and says to come in. Then I have two little kids jumping up and down on the couch laughing. They said, "We saw you, Mama!" Emily went in to Ethan's room and decided to wake him up and convince him to look out the window. (It is ALWAYS her that starts these things.) As they peeked out the window, they see not the Easter Bunny hiding the eggs, but Mommy hiding the eggs. Hahahaha! They both run into our room and wake up Daddy and started talking 90 miles and hour to him and he said that he glanced over to my side of the bed and saw that I was gone and that is when it dawned on him what had happened. So, the gig is up. And honestly, I can't say that I am too sad about it either. The older they get, the harder it gets to keep up. I was afraid that they would be sad about it, but they were laughing and saying, "I can't believe it has been YOU all this time!" So we all sat around and laughed about how hard it has been to keep up the joke and then we went ahead and gave them their baskets at 4am, but told them that they'd have to wait until the sun came out to actually go out and hunt their eggs in the yard. And I told them that now that they are "in the know" we can have more fun with it and do some fun things each year by us trying to trick them by hiding their eggs in trickier places for them each year. They like the idea of that. And then we had to get to the seriousness of business and sit them down and explain to them that now that they KNOW the big secret, they CANNOT go and tell anybody else about it at school, their friends, their cousins, etc. They CANNOT ruin it for the other children or their parents. I just pray that they can keep their big mouths shut and not ever let it slip out. The question now is...how much longer for the other magical and mythical tales...

A Right of Passage

Emily got her ears pierced! She actually went through with it. It wasn't an easy feat for her, though. She has been talking about this for months. She has been telling me how much she has wanted her ears pierced. She has even been mad at me for not getting it done when she was a baby so it would have already been done by now and she wouldn't have to worry about it. All of her friends have it done. She loves looking at all of the pretty jewelry in the store and she just loves the earrings. So the day was finally here. The decision was made. She told me that she was ready to do it. I let her know that I would even use the Emla cream on her ears so she wouldn't be able to feel it. That is the prescription numbing cream that we use on the kids for all of their medical procedures. I explained to her exactly how the process was going to go because I believe in total honesty with any and all procedures. And I also told her that if she got there and decided that she didn't want to do it then she didn't have to.

Well, we got to Claire's in the mall and Emily's anxiety level was through the roof. She was sooooo nervous. She was already telling me that she was scared to do it and was telling me no before we even started looking at earrings. I knew it was just her nerves talking and I also knew how much she was wanting to do it. I convinced her to at least look at the earrings. Then the girl working there came over and talked to Emily and even began to calm her nerves. She was so good with her. Emily said she wanted to think about it a minute and then she finally said okay, she'd do it. I asked her if she was totally sure. She said yes because she was really wanting it done. I called the girl over and I had already talked to her about making sure that they did both ears at one time. As they got Emily all prepped and ready, her nerves got the best of her again and she started to panic. The girls there were so patient with her. It was at that moment that I knew that I had to make a hard decision as a mom. I could either let Emily back out because of her nerves as she was starting to beg me to, or I could quickly hold her down and let the girls do the piercing like I knew Emily really wanted. I held her down in my lap and told the girls to just do it. All the while, Ethan was standing in the corner of the room with his fingers in his ears and was squeezing his eyes shut. He absolutely can't stand to see his sister hurting. Once the ears were pierced, Emily opened her eyes and couldn't believe that it was done. She really didn't feel a thing at first and then she said that it burned for a little bit. She just broke down crying because of her release of emotions, but she was so happy that it was done. I asked her if she was mad at me for holding her down and doing it, and she said that she wasn't because she really wanted the earrings. Today is a new day and Emily has admired herself in the mirror several times to look at her beautiful new earrings.

My baby is growing up. I guess getting your ears pierced is a right of passage of sorts. I have been watching her change before my eyes for a while now and it amazes me. I tried to fight it in the beginning, but now I embrace it and I just enjoy watching her become the person that she is going to be. I have always known that Emily was wise beyond her years and having conversations with her was always like talking with a little adult. Now I watch her do things at age 7, but still probably in a 5 year old's body, and I'm thinking that she is 7 going on 17. Emily often spends much of her day listening to her mp3 player and jamming out to her music. She loves reading all of the teen gossip magazines, and she even brings me the articles and starts telling me things like "Can you believe this..." or "Look what she did!" It's really kind of cute. I have to help her pull the posters out and then we hang them all over her room. But the thing that I think shocked me the most one day was when I overheard her while looking at a magazine and I heard her say to herself, "Wow! Taylor Lautner DOES have muscles!" I about fell over when she said that. She was also talking to me about the Jonas Brothers and we were discussing which Jonas Brother was her favorite. Then she said, "Well it depends." I asked her what it depended on. That is when she told me that it depended on whether she was picking for the cuteness factor or for his music. Seriously, Emily?!?! You're only SEVEN!!!! So, for the record, Joe Jonas is picked for the cuteness factor and Nick Jonas is chosen for his music. Then she told me that her two best friends and her actually argue about this point in school. Whoa! Are you kidding me? And we just got a few new posters to add to her already crowded walls. She is now adding Taylor Lautner, Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, and another Taylor Swift. That will add to her already crowded room of Edward and Bella from Twilight, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, and Nick Jonas.

And just in case anybody is wondering about Ethan and what he is into. It is totally about Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Ethan pretty much goes around the house humming the theme songs to Star Wars. He colors pages out of a Star Wars coloring book. He watches the movies all the time. He plays the Lego Star Wars game on the Wii and also on his Nintendo DS. He plays with his Star Wars action figures. His life revolves around Star Wars with a little Indiana Jones thrown in to change it up a bit.

I can't believe how fast my kids are growing up. It is like I blink my eyes and they change before I know it. One thing that I have always said, though, is how important it is to just take time to stop and enjoy each and every stage of their lives. Even though they are growing up so quickly, I know that I have really been there to enjoy and experience every moment with my children through their childhood. I still love to see the world through their eyes in all of their innocence and I love their excitement when they learn something new for the first time. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings and to see what new things they are into for the moment and to watch them experience what life has to offer.

Hanging on!

I thought it was about time that I post an update. Emily is hanging on. She is still having headaches almost daily, but we are back to having the positional headaches that can often be quickly relieved by having her lay down to equalize the pressure in her head. As hard as it is to have her still having headaches, these are much more bearable than what we went through for that week of hell when her pressure was increased because for the most part Emily is a very happy child who seems to be enjoying life despite the moments of pain. I will be taking her back to the neurosurgeon and see if we can possibly make one more small adjustment, but I'm a little scared, too, after what happened before. Just the slightest pressure change can totally change her personality and it is frightening. As I sit here typing this, Emily is jamming out to "Party in the U.S.A." on her mp3 player in the living room and is dancing up a storm. I love it!

Ethan just started baseball this week. What the heck have we gotten ourselves into???? This is one hefty commitment. It is three days of practice a week. And I some how have to squeeze in taking him to Pensacola one day a week for allergy shots, and then God forbid I have any other appointments for the kids. Oh, and have I mentioned that Emily is about to start tennis lessons soon? It wouldn't be so bad if my plate wasn't already full with their other appointments I am always having to go to. I just hope that I can keep up with it all. On the positive side, Ethan said that he is loving baseball after just the first week. Since he has never played it before, he has a lot of catching up to do to be where the other players are on his team, but we are lucky that we have a great coach. His coach is really doing an awesome job of teaching him what to do. Now, if I can just get him to stop picking grass out in the outfield then things would be perfect. But on a side note, the fact that he is even TOUCHING the grass is an amazing thing. Ethan has sensory issues and has always had an aversion to grass. In fact, the first couple of times that he was out on the field with the other boys, he wouldn't even sit in the grass because he wouldn't touch it. I was watching out there and I noticed that he was squatting because he wouldn't allow himself to touch the grass. I was starting to get very worried how he was going to cope with playing ball if he couldn't get past his grass aversion. So, as much as I hated seeing him not pay attention last night when he was in the outfield, I was secretly LOVING the fact that I saw him actually picking the grass. Oh, the little things that we moms take joy in. It's baby steps for us. Now, somebody please tell me how to teach him to cope with his bug phobia and things will be perfect in Ethan World. And another thing that I was quite proud of last night was how well Ethan handled a slight injury on the field without breaking down into the full blown drama that sometimes happens when he gets hurt. As he was running from first base to second base, the ball that was hit came and hit him straight on in his leg. And it did hit pretty hard! He stopped for a minute, grabbed his leg and still kept on hobbling on to second base. He never cried. He never went into any kind of dramatic meltdown. It was great. I sat there in the dugout and quietly watched to see what would happen. The coach just yelled and asked if he was okay. He stood up and shrugged it off and then ran on to third with the next hit. It was quite a proud moment and I think a very first moment of its kind, too. I think organized sports have been a really good thing for Ethan.

Today just might be a big day for Emily. She has informed me that she wants to get her ears pierced. Actually, she has been MAD at me because I didn't have them pierced when she was a baby. She told me that I should have done it back then because then she wouldn't have to worry about it now. I had to show her how tiny her little ears are. I told her that her ear lobes weren't big enough to even pierce back when she was a baby and that I wanted her to be old enough to make the decision on her own. Well, now the decision has been made, but she is scared to death of the pain. All of her friends have their ears pierced and she doesn't like being left out. Plus she likes looking at my earrings and she has been wanting this for so long. So, today is the day and to help with the process, I am going to numb her ears with Emla cream. I hope she goes through with it. We'll have to wait and see what happens.

To be continued...

Holding onto hope

We saw the neurosurgeon today and Emily had her shunt reprogrammed again. The ironic thing is that today happened to be the one and only day that she seemed to be feeling great. She was bouncing around and feeling happy and I just didn't know what to think. It is times like that when I start to second guess myself and I thoroughly hate that. And that is when I am so thankful that I keep good notes on Emily's condition on the calendar so I have something concrete to look back on to see how she is really doing. Being a parent can be so hard sometimes when you are constantly second guessing yourself and wondering if you are making the right decisions for your child.

When we got into the doctor's office, I explained to the neurosurgeon's assistant how it just so happened that Emily was having a great day, her first headache free day in a week. I explained about her daily multiple headaches, how they were much more intense and lasted longer than normal, and how Emily's personality was changed. I talked about how she is just overall more irritable and not happy than she was before this last adjustment. Right before the assistant had walked in the room to get her vital signs, Emily had just finished telling me how good she was feeling and how she was feeling a zero on the pain scale chart right then. She was actually pretty talkative to me. Well, from the amount of time it took for the assistant to take Emily's vitals and get that bit of information from me, walk out of the room and consult with the doctor, and then have the doctor walk back in, Emily had suddenly been hit with a headache right there in the office. That amount of time was about 15 minutes. I watched Emily go from sitting there thumbing through a National Geographic magazine to watching her eyebrows kind of draw together and her telling me that she needed to lay down on the table in the room because she was getting a headache. By that time, she told me that her pain was up to a four on the pain scale chart. It was like a snap of the finger. When the doctor walked in I explained what was going on and she took out her little flashlight and shined it in Emily's eyes. (For those of you that aren't aware, the neurosurgeon can see the pressure in your brain by shining the light through your eyes. Interesting, huh?!) Emily was declining pretty quickly.

The doctor and I talked a little bit about Emily's problems and she said that her last adjustment was just overshot and she was going to bring her back down to 150. It is just a little bit of trial and error until we can get it right. We talked about how she tapped her shunt in Dec when the pressure was set at 100 and because of the results of the shunt tap and with the headaches she was having back then, Emily was way overdraining then. That was when we bumped it up to 130 at her first adjustment. Because she had such remarkable improvement in her personality, that told the doctor that we were on the right track, but it still wasn't just right because she was still having positional headaches. That was when the adjustment to 200 took place last week. Unfortunately, Emily's headaches no longer became the easy to handle positional kind anymore. These headaches are killer headaches on an extreme level because they are high pressure headaches. I am so hopeful now that her shunt has been reprogrammed again, maybe Emily can start to lead a normal life.

After we left the office today, we had to head to Ethan's allergy doctor to get his weekly shots. Since we were in Pensacola anyway, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and handle all medical stuff in one day this week with both kids. Well, poor Emily was miserable. I didn't plan on her headache being so bad and there just wasn't anything I could do about it. My mom went with me to P'cola today and I'm glad she did. Emily passed out in her lap at Ethan's doctor's office and I helped Ethan cope with his shots. Ethan has been getting two shots in his arms every single week since last August and he never really complained or had any kind of problems with them until the last month or so. Now he suddenly has developed this anxiety when he gets them and then he tenses up and it hurts worse for him. I even use Emla cream so he can't feel the pain of the needles. I just hate it that he needs these darn shots at all.

Emily's headaches have continued on and off all evening. Just when she thinks that it might be going away and she tries to get up and play a game or take her bath or eat dinner, the headache suddenly returns in full force. She flops back down on the couch with a trash can in front of her in case she needs to throw up. When I was putting her to bed tonight she asked me if I would go ahead and turn on the baby monitor in my room. You see, as sad as it is, we still need to use a baby monitor at times when Emily's headaches are this bad in case she wakes up in the middle of the night vomiting. Who would have thought that I would still be using my baby monitor when my kids were 7 1/2 years old?!?! Hmmm, maybe I should invest in a newer model. It certainly doesn't look like I'll be getting rid of it anytime soon. :(