Those darn headaches!

Now that it is officially after the holiday, my mind can't help thinking about what is ahead of us. I was getting complacent there for a few days because Emily appeared to be doing pretty well. At least she wasn't complaining of any headaches. She had 3 or 4 small ones during the past two weeks and then she had a bad one on Christmas day, but that seemed to be about it. And then she had one last night, and she was getting another one today.

When she got the one last night there was no denying it. It was the one she gets where you can see the look on her face. You can see the physical change in her eyes, her face gets flushed in her cheeks, and sometimes she even looks splotchy where she will look pale and flushed all at the same time. The other thing that happens with her headaches is that in the moment when they happen, her body temperature rises just during the headache episode itself. Usually this only happens with the really bad ones that include vomiting. This is our indication that I better be looking for a trash can or some type of plastic bag really quickly.

Well, after she was laying in her bed last night with her headache, I went in to talk to her. I have been thinking about the past two weeks and there have been many times when I have noticed "the look" on her face or noticed that she just isn't acting quite right (moving a little slower or seeming a little more subdued than a child should), but when I questioned her if she was feeling alright, she would be quick to answer me that she was feeling fine. Last night I asked her if there are times when she has been having headaches and not telling me about them. Her eyes quickly darted to mine as if I just caught her in some big secret and then she looked away and said, "Well, I usually end up telling you because they end up getting too bad and I have to tell you." This makes me wonder, though, how many times she gets them and doesn't say anything.

This has been so difficult to hear because this whole school year we have been walking a very fine line. Up until we learned her shunt wasn't working, we have been battling these things and dealing with them in school. It has been challenging. Unfortunately, Emily has had to cope with them by just dealing with them on her own because she can't be pulled out of school each and every time she gets a headache. HOWEVER, I have still needed to know about them so I can keep a record of when and how often they are happening. To say it has been a hard year for her is an understatement.

And now that she knows what lies ahead, I can't help but wonder if she is afraid to tell me about them, or is it that she is just so used to "coping" with them that she is just trying to deal with them in her own way and doesn't come to us until they get really bad. Either way it breaks my heart. Just like today, the kids have been dying to go to Bass Pro Shop for a while now because they love to look around there. We promised them an outing there after church today. On our way there, we stopped to grab a bite to eat at Wendy's. As we were walking in, I noticed that Emily had that look about her again and I questioned her on it. I don't think she ever would have told me on her own. She just simply said, "How did you know my head was hurting?" I just gave her a hug and said that I could tell by looking at her.

The next couple of weeks are going to be difficult as we move ahead and start making appointments for her. And I will of course keep everybody updated as we do.