Dad's Test Results

I went with Mom and Dad yesterday to receive the news on Dad's biopsy. I was going to be the extra set of ears. I wanted to be there to listen for myself on what was to be said. I knew that my mom was not emotionally prepared for whatever the news might be, and I was ready to take notes and ask questions with my dad so we could help make the best treatment decisions possible. I had my little notebook and pen in my pocket and I was ready. My mom had already taken her anxiety pill and she was ready. (Ha-ha!) My dad was his usual calm and cool self and he was ready. (For anybody that doesn't personally know my parents, I have inherited my dad's calm nature and inner strength when it comes to facing challenges.) So, in we walk, heading to the exam room. What happened next is not what I expected at all. But before I tell about that, I have to back up and explain something that happened last week.

I am a realist. I really am. Though this past week I have had to listen to my grandma tell me on numerous occasions that I am a pessimist. I will tell you that I know that I'm not a pessimist, and the reason I know is because a pessimist doesn't have hope. Trust me, I have never lost hope. My life depends on hope. With everything that I have faced and will face (and the ones who know me well know what I mean by this) know that I have to have hope to live and stay sane. However, I live in reality and fully understand what can happen and don't kid myself about it. So when we are told that Dad has terminal cancer and has a huge mass in his lung, I tend to listen. I was standing in the room myself and listening to the doctor during the biopsy when he told us that they are quite certain that Dad has some type of cancer and it is just a matter of figuring out what kind. They didn't even know if it was operable and didn't even know what kind of treatment options were available. That was the point of the biopsy. After the biopsy on Tuesday, the doctor told us how many good samples he got and how they should have no problem at all determining what it is. And while he is telling us this, things were still pretty grim sounding. However, Dad was not worried. And the reason Dad was not worried is because of something that had happened just a couple of days prior.

Dad was sitting in the doctor's office waiting room and just listening to the music playing. His mood was low, things were not looking good. The doctors are saying he has terminal cancer. Suddenly, Dad has this feeling, like a voice that came into his head, and it told him that everything was going to be okay. It told him that he will have to have surgery to remove this thing, it will be contained, but that he will be okay. And then after that he just has this instant feeling of peace and is not worried anymore. Now remember, this was BEFORE the biopsy. Dad came home and started telling all of us about this and I actually started getting mad because Mom and Grandma started thinking that everything was perfect now because Dad said so. Dad has always been a dreamer of sorts, and in a way I was thinking that he was just trying to make them not worry. I was getting mad because they were not facing the reality of the situation and I didn't want them to be set up for more grief and upset later. And still, Dad was insistent that he was going to have surgery and that everything would be fine because of that "feeling" he had. Now, fast forward to the exam room when the doctor walks in to give us the results of the biopsy.

The doctor looks at the three of us and after we said our greetings, he just started shaking his head with a kind of dumbfounded expression. He said, "The test was non-diagnostic." It was inconclusive. We must have looked at him like he had grown another head! Seriously. How could this be? Even the doctor was confused and shocked. He didn't understand it and said that he doesn't know what happened. He said that maybe the mass moved when he was getting the sample and he didn't actually grab part of the mass. That is just one theory. Who knows what else could possibly be the case. He also told us that even though he was absolutely certain before that this thing was cancer, he did say that there is a chance that this is benign. He said that it would be a very rare chance, but it is a chance. He looked straight at my dad then and what I heard next just stunned me. He said, "Regardless of what this is, I think you need to have surgery to get it out." My dad, looking as calm as ever, just replied back that he already knew that. Now remember that before the biopsy, they didn't even know if surgery would be possible. Now he is looking at my dad and saying that this is the absolute plan and what we are doing next. Dad is at peace with it. I am still stunned.

So, here is the next chain of events. Monday Dad will see his cardiologist to make sure that his heart is strong enough to withstand that major of a surgery. Tuesday he will have another lung function test. Wed will be the next big test. He will have a PET scan. This will be the test to give us an idea whether or not this thing is cancer and if there are more spots elsewhere. He will then meet with a thoracic surgeon and plan the surgery if everything else checks out. It is all happening so fast now. We need lots and lots of prayers.