What a week!

This has been a roller coaster of a week. And I need to start this post off on a very positive note because we had a couple of wonderful and exciting things happen. One of them is with my little pint sized reader. Emily reads books ALL THE TIME! She loves to read and will read just about anything and everything. And yes, that even includes my Twilight book, but I'll save that for another post. (And in case anybody is wondering, Emily is totally "Team Jacob". Ha-ha!) The kids take AR tests at school on the books they read and each book has a certain point value assigned to it. Most 1st graders probably are averaging right now between 15-25 AR points depending on how well they read and comprehend what they read. I am so extremely proud of Emily right now because she is doing so extremely well. I received a text message from her teacher the other day telling me that Emily had just reached 50 POINTS!!!! That is VERY hard for a 1st grader to accomplish this! It is a very big deal! Ethan is doing very well, too, and is getting very motivated now that Emily has all of these points. In fact, when Emily finished reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid, he grabbed the book and sat and read it and he finished the entire book in just a few days.

Ethan is having such a good time playing baseball and he is really improving on his batting. We had three games this week. On one of the games Ethan had the proudest moment of his life. At the end of the game, he was awarded the game ball. The coach usually gives out the game ball to the player that did his best that game. Well, Ethan was obviously not the best player, but I know that he gave Ethan the ball because Ethan has improved so much and he really gives it his all. What was so amazing to see was the look of such innocent pride and joy on Ethan's face as he accepted it. That ball couldn't have been more important or meaningful if it had been solid gold or filled with diamonds. I was so thrilled for Ethan that night and loved seeing my son go to bed with such a huge smile on his face.

The rest of our week has been very busy. Rob and I are job hunting like crazy. Plus, we are helping Mom and Dad while they prepare to move into the little house. There are so many changes that are taking place right now and we just have to move with it and not focus too much on the details.

Dad got his results of his PET scan today. The news was not good. We know that the mass in his lung IS cancer. We also know that there is also another spot that is cancer located on his adrenal gland. Basically this means that it is either lung cancer that has spread to his adrenal gland, or it is renal cancer that has spread to his lungs. The doctor says that surgery to remove the mass is still necessary, but we have to make sure that his heart is strong enough first. He has an appointment to have an echocardiogram tomorrow and a stress test on Mon and Tues. He may have to have a heart procedure BEFORE having the lung surgery. Dad also has to see the oncologist, too. The oncologist will make the ultimate decision on how to treat the cancer. In a nutshell, we are all devastated, but still hopeful.

Dad's Test Results

I went with Mom and Dad yesterday to receive the news on Dad's biopsy. I was going to be the extra set of ears. I wanted to be there to listen for myself on what was to be said. I knew that my mom was not emotionally prepared for whatever the news might be, and I was ready to take notes and ask questions with my dad so we could help make the best treatment decisions possible. I had my little notebook and pen in my pocket and I was ready. My mom had already taken her anxiety pill and she was ready. (Ha-ha!) My dad was his usual calm and cool self and he was ready. (For anybody that doesn't personally know my parents, I have inherited my dad's calm nature and inner strength when it comes to facing challenges.) So, in we walk, heading to the exam room. What happened next is not what I expected at all. But before I tell about that, I have to back up and explain something that happened last week.

I am a realist. I really am. Though this past week I have had to listen to my grandma tell me on numerous occasions that I am a pessimist. I will tell you that I know that I'm not a pessimist, and the reason I know is because a pessimist doesn't have hope. Trust me, I have never lost hope. My life depends on hope. With everything that I have faced and will face (and the ones who know me well know what I mean by this) know that I have to have hope to live and stay sane. However, I live in reality and fully understand what can happen and don't kid myself about it. So when we are told that Dad has terminal cancer and has a huge mass in his lung, I tend to listen. I was standing in the room myself and listening to the doctor during the biopsy when he told us that they are quite certain that Dad has some type of cancer and it is just a matter of figuring out what kind. They didn't even know if it was operable and didn't even know what kind of treatment options were available. That was the point of the biopsy. After the biopsy on Tuesday, the doctor told us how many good samples he got and how they should have no problem at all determining what it is. And while he is telling us this, things were still pretty grim sounding. However, Dad was not worried. And the reason Dad was not worried is because of something that had happened just a couple of days prior.

Dad was sitting in the doctor's office waiting room and just listening to the music playing. His mood was low, things were not looking good. The doctors are saying he has terminal cancer. Suddenly, Dad has this feeling, like a voice that came into his head, and it told him that everything was going to be okay. It told him that he will have to have surgery to remove this thing, it will be contained, but that he will be okay. And then after that he just has this instant feeling of peace and is not worried anymore. Now remember, this was BEFORE the biopsy. Dad came home and started telling all of us about this and I actually started getting mad because Mom and Grandma started thinking that everything was perfect now because Dad said so. Dad has always been a dreamer of sorts, and in a way I was thinking that he was just trying to make them not worry. I was getting mad because they were not facing the reality of the situation and I didn't want them to be set up for more grief and upset later. And still, Dad was insistent that he was going to have surgery and that everything would be fine because of that "feeling" he had. Now, fast forward to the exam room when the doctor walks in to give us the results of the biopsy.

The doctor looks at the three of us and after we said our greetings, he just started shaking his head with a kind of dumbfounded expression. He said, "The test was non-diagnostic." It was inconclusive. We must have looked at him like he had grown another head! Seriously. How could this be? Even the doctor was confused and shocked. He didn't understand it and said that he doesn't know what happened. He said that maybe the mass moved when he was getting the sample and he didn't actually grab part of the mass. That is just one theory. Who knows what else could possibly be the case. He also told us that even though he was absolutely certain before that this thing was cancer, he did say that there is a chance that this is benign. He said that it would be a very rare chance, but it is a chance. He looked straight at my dad then and what I heard next just stunned me. He said, "Regardless of what this is, I think you need to have surgery to get it out." My dad, looking as calm as ever, just replied back that he already knew that. Now remember that before the biopsy, they didn't even know if surgery would be possible. Now he is looking at my dad and saying that this is the absolute plan and what we are doing next. Dad is at peace with it. I am still stunned.

So, here is the next chain of events. Monday Dad will see his cardiologist to make sure that his heart is strong enough to withstand that major of a surgery. Tuesday he will have another lung function test. Wed will be the next big test. He will have a PET scan. This will be the test to give us an idea whether or not this thing is cancer and if there are more spots elsewhere. He will then meet with a thoracic surgeon and plan the surgery if everything else checks out. It is all happening so fast now. We need lots and lots of prayers.

We laugh so we don't cry!

My dad had his biopsy on Tuesday and it went well. Dad was in very good spirits and he has a very positive outlook on things. The doctor did come out and talk to us and he said that although they know that this is a type of cancer that they are dealing with, they have no idea of knowing what kind until we get the results back from the biopsy. He showed us the pictures from the procedure and he pointed out how the tumor is compressing the airway. We will go in to get the results from the biopsy on Friday.

This week is Spring Break and we have been very busy trying to help Mom and Dad clean out their house and also clean and sort out Grandma's stuff out of the little house to get things ready for all of the changing and moving that will soon take place. Ethan and Emily are handling things really well now and are being such a big help to everybody.

Just when we thought we were handling everything and preparing ourselves for potentially the worst news we could still potentially receive, we were hit extremely hard with another blow yesterday. With just one day shy of working 90 days at his new job, Rob got laid off again. I truly am numb about this. And to think that I was just sitting there yesterday and worrying about what I would do about child care for my kids for Friday while I go to my Dad's doctor's appointment with my parents while they find out the results of his biopsy. I guess I don't have to worry about child care now since Rob will be home. That is one less worry on my plate. Ha-ha!

This is really going to sound like I've gone crazy, and maybe I have. Or maybe I have gone just a little bit insane just to protect myself mentally, but for some reason I am not freaking about this unemployment yet. And I should. I really should. The last time he was laid off I did freak. And we were way better off because he had a pretty good 401K that saved us. Well, that is gone. We had to live on that to survive for 7 months when we had no income. I should be FREAKING OUT! But I'm not. I'm watching what my parents are going through, thinking about what we're facing in the future, and this is just another blip on the radar. Everything in our lives are just temporary anyway. Enjoy it while you can, but it is the people around you that matter the most. I really don't know what will happen or what our next step will be, but whatever it is, I'll be okay.

Fallen Tears

I broke the news to Ethan and Emily this morning about their Papa. I started out by saying that there were going to be some changes that were coming up. Emily immediately stopped me and said, "Now I'm getting worried." I told her that it didn't have anything to do with us and that we were fine. (She was probably thinking about what happened last year with the lay-off. That was really hard on all of us.) I told them that Nana and Papa were going to be putting their house up for sale and she started to panic and she said, "WHY??? WHAT'S WRONG??? WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM???" I explained to them that Papa found out that he is sick and before I could even say anything else, she cut me off and just started to sob uncontrollably. They wanted to know why they are moving and I explained that the house that Grandma lives in is actually Nana and Papa's house, too. They didn't realize that. They know how much harder it is for Grandma to get around now and do things and I told them that with what is going on now, Nana and Papa have decided that it is just too much trouble to keep up with two houses. They have decided to get rid of the big house and it will just be easier if they all live together.

Emily was so distraught about the news of her papa. When I asked her if she had any questions, she just wanted to know if I knew what was going to happen to him. I said that for right now the doctors are going to run some tests so they can figure out what they can do to try and help him. And I told her that I honestly can't give her an answer about what will happen. I told her that I didn't know and that is why the doctors are still needing to do more tests. And as she is sitting in my lap and sobbing, I told her that the important thing is that we never lose hope that he will get better. I reminded her about how when she was born we were told by doctors that she would probably never walk or talk. She asked me if I was sad when I found that out. I told her that I was terribly sad and that I cried a lot, but that I never gave up hope that she would get better. I said that sometimes people get better and sometimes people don't, but no matter what happens we will always have each other and that we love each other very much. I also reminded her that right now her papa is still the same ol' silly papa that loves to play with her and tell her stories. I reminded her about how he was teasing her just last night and playing around with her. Just because the doctors say he is "sick" doesn't mean that he isn't the same person that he's always been. I told her that her papa will always love both of them very much.

I just want to make sure that the kids don't dwell on the sadness and can enjoy the time they do spend with him. However, with all of the changes that are about to be taking place, they needed to know what was going on. And now it has been a couple of hours since I told them. The tears have since dried and Emily is happily playing with her cousin who is over at our house today. The sounds of sadness have left my house and I can now hear nothing but the sweet joy of laughter.

Sad news

I have some very sad news to share. We just found out that my dad has been diagnosed with cancer. He has a very large mass in his lung and will have it biopsied on Tuesday. The results of this will determine what kind of cancer it is and if it is treatable. The mass in his lung is 2 inches by 3 inches in size and is located very near his heart. This is obviously very bad news considering the location and the size of the mass.

To say we are devastated is an understatement. My dad is the rock and foundation of our family. He is the one we turn to for advice. He is the one we turn to for comfort. He is the one we turn to for strength. He is the one we turn to for encouragement and support. And most of all, he is the one who can bring a smile to the face of a child by just telling one of his silly made-up stories.

As a daughter who has to think about what it will mean to lose her father, it is heartbreaking. But to think about watching my children lose their Papa, that is just gut-wrenching and almost unbearable. But despite the pain and heartache, I choose to not let this drag me down. Whatever the outcome of the biopsy is, we can't change it. The only thing we can control is how we choose to live each day. I choose to live each day knowing that I have lived it to its fullest and with the ones that I love. That is all that matters anymore.

Easter

I know it has been a while since I posted anything and so much has happened that there is no way that I can catch everything up. I'll try, though. We had a very unfortunate event in our family. My mother-in-law passed away from complications of Huntington's Disease. She fought a long and hard battle for many years. We are relieved that she is no longer suffering, but the loss is still a tragic one. We made the long trip to Dallas to be at her funeral and to be with Rob's family during that time. Despite the circumstances, it was great to see the family and also nice to see my sister and nephew. We stopped at their house along the drive their and back to help break up our trip. Ethan and Emily loved spending time with all of their cousins.

The kids are so busy right now with their individual sports. I am so over scheduled right now that it isn't even funny. Ethan has baseball practice or games several times a week. Emily has tennis lessons once a week. And then we also have to take Ethan to Pensacola every week to get allergy shots. Ethan is loving baseball. Even though he is the new player on a team of very seasoned players, he is learning and enjoying himself. He is just having fun and that is all that matters. Emily can kick some serious butt on the tennis court. Her tennis coach this year is the head of the city's recreation department and he has made several comments about how good she is. Gosh, if he only knew where she has been in her life to really know how far she's come. :)

The kids both made A Honor Roll again at school for the third quarter and we just had their award assembly. And once again, Ethan was the only boy in his class to receive A Honor Roll. I was pretty proud of that. I went with the kids on their first grade field trip this past Thursday to the Gulf Coast Exploreum. They had a dinosaur exhibit and their usual hands on science stuff. We had a great time. The kids all loved it. And I again realized that teachers don't get paid enough money to do the work that they do. Ha-ha!

Well, today is Easter Sunday. And something BIG happened in our house very early this morning. THE EASTER BUNNY WAS CAUGHT!!! I was caught red handed hiding eggs in the yard! I set my alarm for 4am. I snuck out the back door and went around through the fence. Just as I was placing my final egg, the porch light comes on and Rob walks out and says to come in. Then I have two little kids jumping up and down on the couch laughing. They said, "We saw you, Mama!" Emily went in to Ethan's room and decided to wake him up and convince him to look out the window. (It is ALWAYS her that starts these things.) As they peeked out the window, they see not the Easter Bunny hiding the eggs, but Mommy hiding the eggs. Hahahaha! They both run into our room and wake up Daddy and started talking 90 miles and hour to him and he said that he glanced over to my side of the bed and saw that I was gone and that is when it dawned on him what had happened. So, the gig is up. And honestly, I can't say that I am too sad about it either. The older they get, the harder it gets to keep up. I was afraid that they would be sad about it, but they were laughing and saying, "I can't believe it has been YOU all this time!" So we all sat around and laughed about how hard it has been to keep up the joke and then we went ahead and gave them their baskets at 4am, but told them that they'd have to wait until the sun came out to actually go out and hunt their eggs in the yard. And I told them that now that they are "in the know" we can have more fun with it and do some fun things each year by us trying to trick them by hiding their eggs in trickier places for them each year. They like the idea of that. And then we had to get to the seriousness of business and sit them down and explain to them that now that they KNOW the big secret, they CANNOT go and tell anybody else about it at school, their friends, their cousins, etc. They CANNOT ruin it for the other children or their parents. I just pray that they can keep their big mouths shut and not ever let it slip out. The question now is...how much longer for the other magical and mythical tales...

A Right of Passage

Emily got her ears pierced! She actually went through with it. It wasn't an easy feat for her, though. She has been talking about this for months. She has been telling me how much she has wanted her ears pierced. She has even been mad at me for not getting it done when she was a baby so it would have already been done by now and she wouldn't have to worry about it. All of her friends have it done. She loves looking at all of the pretty jewelry in the store and she just loves the earrings. So the day was finally here. The decision was made. She told me that she was ready to do it. I let her know that I would even use the Emla cream on her ears so she wouldn't be able to feel it. That is the prescription numbing cream that we use on the kids for all of their medical procedures. I explained to her exactly how the process was going to go because I believe in total honesty with any and all procedures. And I also told her that if she got there and decided that she didn't want to do it then she didn't have to.

Well, we got to Claire's in the mall and Emily's anxiety level was through the roof. She was sooooo nervous. She was already telling me that she was scared to do it and was telling me no before we even started looking at earrings. I knew it was just her nerves talking and I also knew how much she was wanting to do it. I convinced her to at least look at the earrings. Then the girl working there came over and talked to Emily and even began to calm her nerves. She was so good with her. Emily said she wanted to think about it a minute and then she finally said okay, she'd do it. I asked her if she was totally sure. She said yes because she was really wanting it done. I called the girl over and I had already talked to her about making sure that they did both ears at one time. As they got Emily all prepped and ready, her nerves got the best of her again and she started to panic. The girls there were so patient with her. It was at that moment that I knew that I had to make a hard decision as a mom. I could either let Emily back out because of her nerves as she was starting to beg me to, or I could quickly hold her down and let the girls do the piercing like I knew Emily really wanted. I held her down in my lap and told the girls to just do it. All the while, Ethan was standing in the corner of the room with his fingers in his ears and was squeezing his eyes shut. He absolutely can't stand to see his sister hurting. Once the ears were pierced, Emily opened her eyes and couldn't believe that it was done. She really didn't feel a thing at first and then she said that it burned for a little bit. She just broke down crying because of her release of emotions, but she was so happy that it was done. I asked her if she was mad at me for holding her down and doing it, and she said that she wasn't because she really wanted the earrings. Today is a new day and Emily has admired herself in the mirror several times to look at her beautiful new earrings.

My baby is growing up. I guess getting your ears pierced is a right of passage of sorts. I have been watching her change before my eyes for a while now and it amazes me. I tried to fight it in the beginning, but now I embrace it and I just enjoy watching her become the person that she is going to be. I have always known that Emily was wise beyond her years and having conversations with her was always like talking with a little adult. Now I watch her do things at age 7, but still probably in a 5 year old's body, and I'm thinking that she is 7 going on 17. Emily often spends much of her day listening to her mp3 player and jamming out to her music. She loves reading all of the teen gossip magazines, and she even brings me the articles and starts telling me things like "Can you believe this..." or "Look what she did!" It's really kind of cute. I have to help her pull the posters out and then we hang them all over her room. But the thing that I think shocked me the most one day was when I overheard her while looking at a magazine and I heard her say to herself, "Wow! Taylor Lautner DOES have muscles!" I about fell over when she said that. She was also talking to me about the Jonas Brothers and we were discussing which Jonas Brother was her favorite. Then she said, "Well it depends." I asked her what it depended on. That is when she told me that it depended on whether she was picking for the cuteness factor or for his music. Seriously, Emily?!?! You're only SEVEN!!!! So, for the record, Joe Jonas is picked for the cuteness factor and Nick Jonas is chosen for his music. Then she told me that her two best friends and her actually argue about this point in school. Whoa! Are you kidding me? And we just got a few new posters to add to her already crowded walls. She is now adding Taylor Lautner, Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, and another Taylor Swift. That will add to her already crowded room of Edward and Bella from Twilight, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, and Nick Jonas.

And just in case anybody is wondering about Ethan and what he is into. It is totally about Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Ethan pretty much goes around the house humming the theme songs to Star Wars. He colors pages out of a Star Wars coloring book. He watches the movies all the time. He plays the Lego Star Wars game on the Wii and also on his Nintendo DS. He plays with his Star Wars action figures. His life revolves around Star Wars with a little Indiana Jones thrown in to change it up a bit.

I can't believe how fast my kids are growing up. It is like I blink my eyes and they change before I know it. One thing that I have always said, though, is how important it is to just take time to stop and enjoy each and every stage of their lives. Even though they are growing up so quickly, I know that I have really been there to enjoy and experience every moment with my children through their childhood. I still love to see the world through their eyes in all of their innocence and I love their excitement when they learn something new for the first time. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings and to see what new things they are into for the moment and to watch them experience what life has to offer.